Another Sad Story.

Britain is atwitter over the revelation that Mark Oaten, a leading Liberal Democratic member of Parliament, married with children, has been frequenting male hustlers. Oaten may be an adulterer, but he's not a hypocrite-apparently, he's about as close to a libertarian as you're likely to find in Britain. But like so many others, a la Brokeback, he thought he could live a lie and it eventually caught up with him.

Also from Britain, a look at why libertarians, or at least those who still believe in freedom of association, are sorely needed.

On a happier note, here's some news from the future.

P.S. Thanks, Andrew. Much appreciated.

Debating the Indefensible?

Originally published as "Angry Lesbians and Right-Wing Nutcases" in Between the Lines.

In a few weeks I'll be doing a "Michigan tour" debating same-sex marriage with Glenn Stanton of Focus on the Family. People sometimes ask me whether I ever encounter hostile audience members at these debates (I do).

"Which kind do you fear the most?" they press. "Rednecks? Bible thumpers? Skinheads?"

Actually, none of the above. The audience members that scare me the most-that strike fear into my very core-are the Angry Lesbians.

I'm only half-joking here. You know the type I'm talking about. They need not be female, much less lesbian. But they are technically on my side, and they're pissed off.

They're angry at my opponent for his anti-gay views (both real and imagined). They're angry at me for my willingness to engage in friendly dialogue with that opponent. They're angry at the event organizers for setting the whole thing up, as well as for not providing (take your pick):

(a) Free parking.
(b) Better seating.
(c) More Q&A time.
(d) Universal health care.

They're angry at the world generally, and they want you and everyone else to know it.

There are times when I say sincerely, "Thank heaven for Angry Lesbians." (I capitalize the term as a reminder that it represents a character type. As I've already remarked, AL's need not actually be lesbians: some of the best examples I've known are men.)

AL's perform an important service: they jolt us out of our complacency. They remind us that the issues I debate from a comfortable dais, in a well-lit, climate-controlled room, can have life-or-death implications. Yes, AL's make us uncomfortable, but sometimes we should be uncomfortable.

Sometimes, but not always. Sometimes it's nice to sit back comfortably and have a civil academic discussion.

I say that not just because I enjoy such discussions. I say it because such discussions can be conducive to our community's shared goals-far more so, I think, than simply screaming at our opponents all the time.

Let's be clear about something: I don't debate Glenn Stanton to convince Glenn Stanton (although I'd like to believe I have some positive effect on him). And I don't debate Glenn Stanton to convince the Angry Lesbians. I debate Glenn Stanton to convince the fence-sitters: ordinary people who make up the bulk of society. They might think same-sex marriage is a little weird, but they might also be willing to support it if we make a strong case.

Glenn's presence helps me to do that even better, since it gives me a chance to create "the clearer perception and livelier impression of truth, produced by its collision with error," in the words of the great liberal theorist John Stuart Mill. Mill understood that truth is durable: it need not fear open dialogue. "Got a counterargument? Bring it on!" Mill might say.

"But doesn't debating someone from Focus on the Family give legitimacy to that side? You wouldn't debate someone from the KKK, would you?" I've often been asked.

No, I wouldn't. But there are at least two key differences here. One (and it's a biggie) is that Glenn Stanton does not want us killed. There's a serious difference between opposing same-sex marriage and advocating violence against gays. Although it may be tempting to label all of our opponents as "right-wing nutcases," doing so is both inaccurate and irresponsible.

Granted, these debates don't occur in a vacuum, and some of Stanton's supporters may choose to warp his message. But the debates provide an opportunity for us jointly to prevent such misinterpretation-indeed, it's rare that I get a chance to talk to his supporters otherwise. Granted, too, that the policies he advocates are not merely wrongheaded; they're harmful. They needlessly make people's lives more difficult, in serious and palpable ways. The debates provide an opportunity to point this out, forcefully and publicly.

The other reason the KKK analogy falls apart is political reality. The KKK is indisputably a fringe group, reviled by most Americans. Not so for same-sex marriage opponents, who have won in every state where they've put anti-gay constitutional amendments before voters. Like it or not, we have yet to capture the mainstream on this issue.

I'd like to think that someday, debating same-sex marriage opponents will be as much a waste of time as debating flat-earthers. Until then, we've got work to do-angry lesbians and philosophy professors alike.

The Lion’s Den.

NBC has canceled "The Book of Daniel," about a troubled Episcopalian priest and his family, but not because it had a gay character (one of Daniel's sons). Religious conservatives were successful in mau-mauing advertisers to flee because of far more controversial plot elements. Foremost among these: Daniel's conversations with Jesus, who gently encourages him to do the right thing ("now would be a good time to stop," he tells Daniel, who is addicted to prescription pills). This wasn't the judgmental storm trooper that fundamentalists like to envision. And so one of TV's rare attempts to deal with spirituality in everyday life, as lived by imperfect men and woman, bites the dust.

More: Some interesting comments, many arguing the show was poorly conceived and quite rightly pulled-and that social conservative activists had little to do with its demise.

Bush and Brokeback.

More evidence that Brokeback is becoming a cultural touchstone. While answering questions at Kansas State University, President Bush had this exchange (from the White House transcript):

Q: You're a rancher. A lot of us here in Kansas are ranchers. I was just wanting to get your opinion on "Brokeback Mountain," if you've seen it yet? (Laughter.) You would love it. You should check it out.

THE PRESIDENT: I haven't seen it. I'll be glad to talk about ranching, but I haven't seen the movie. (Laughter.) I've heard about it. I hope you go -- you know -- (laughter) -- I hope you go back to the ranch and the farm is what I'm about to say. I haven't seen it. (Laughter and applause.)

While being ever-mindful of his conservative base, it sounds like Bush was still having some fun with the question. But to read the AP account picked up by 365.gay.com as well as most of the mainstream media, you'd think he went into shock.

More: Ok, the video coverage is a bit more revealing. But this is George W.-when answering questions on his own Social Security reform, he hems and haws and looks awkward. Sorry, but I'm not offended by his response here.

More Recent Postings
01/15/06 - 01/21/06

Through the Gender Glass.

Columnist Norah Vincent, who has contributed some writings to IGF in the past, has a new book that got big play Friday night on 20/20 and a positive New York Times review. In Self-Made Man: One Woman's Journey Into Manhood and Back Again, Vincent (who is an out lesbian) spent several months transformed into "Ned," to discover what men are really like. She concludes men aren't so bad, but hurt from a lack of intimacy. From the Times review (by Vanity Fair contributing editor David Kamp):

introducing herself to some guys in a bowling league, she's touched by the ritual howyadoin', man-to-man handshake, which, "from the outside . . . had always seemed overdone to me," but from the inside strikes her as remarkably warm and inclusive, worlds away from the "fake and cold" air kisses and limp handshakes exchanged by women.

...Norah-as-Ned commits to [the bowling league] for eight months, becoming the weak link on a four-man team of working-class white men.... The resultant chapter is as tender and unpatronizing a portrait of America's "white trash" underclass as I've ever read. "They took people at face value," writes Vincent of Ned's teammates, a plumber, an appliance repairman and a construction worker. "If you did your job or held up your end, and treated them with the passing respect they accorded you, you were all right."

Neither dumb lugs nor proletarian saints, Ned's bowling buddies are wont to make homophobic cracks and pay an occasional visit to a strip club, but they surprise Vincent with their lack of rage and racism, their unflagging efforts to improve Ned's atrocious bowling technique and "the absolute reverence with which they spoke about their wives."

On 20/20, some of the bowlers indicated they had once or twice speculated about whether Ned was gay-though apparently that didn't result in any coldness or hostility that Vincent picked up on, despite any homophobic cracks.

By the way, reviewer Kemp's "white trash" characterization has already gotten heated blogosphere comment: Some feel it shows NYT/Vanity Fair insularity, others (including instapundit) think it was meant as a poke at that very elitism.

Another view: My partner was struck by how basically conservative Vincent's message was-the bowlers were genuinely nice, both to each other and to their wives; women have the power in heterosexual courting; men and women really are different. Vincent says "I found out identity is not something to tamper with"-living as a man eventually sent her into a hospital with depression, because she really is a woman and she had exhausted herself trying to seem like a man.

But over at salon, Andrew O'Hehir dismisses as "bizarre" Vincent's assertion that "male human beings and female human beings [are] as separate as sects"; in other words, that men and women are fundamentally different, in no small part because of the unique power of male sexual desire. Which to me seems a perfectly reasonable observation, and not at all "bizarre" outside the precincts of liberal feminist fantasia.

Good and/or Bad News.

Good news headline: Judge Strikes Down Md. Ban on Gay Marriage. Bad news subheadline: Constitutional Fight Ignites.

If the judiciary route leads to a constitutional amendment banning both gay marriage and civil unions, will activists admit that suing for marriage (rather than working for legislatively approved civil unions, or even full marriage) is counterproductive?

More bad news: Virginia's Democratic governor, Tim Kaine, says he opposes the scope of the constitutional amendment banning gay marriage, civil unions, and anything resembling partnership rights, which is working its way quickly through the Virginia legislature. But he says he'll nonetheless sign the measure as written, putting it to a referendum.

Virginia's gay lobbies worked hard to elect Kaine, whose Republican opponent was a vocal gay-marriage critic. But the proof is in the pudding, which here seems rather thin indeed.

More/Virginia: Blogger Tim Hulsey gives Kaine no slack:

he followed the Clinton playbook all the way to the Governor's Mansion. Now that he's elected, Kaine continues to follow the Clintonian example-by betraying his Gay and Lesbian supporters first.

Ouch!

More/Maryland: Many of the state's leading Democrats are hoping that the Baltimore circuit court judge's ruling is reversed, quickly, so the Republicans can't demagogue it.

Lesson Learned?

The New York Times takes another look at ABC's killed-before-it-aired reality show "Welcome to the Neighborhood," in which racially and culturally diverse couples tried to overcome their would-be neighbors' prejudices and win a house. A gay couple, Stephen Wright and John Wright, with an adopted child, won. As I noted at the time, the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) joined those cautioning ABC against running the show (some racial-grievance groups were upset). The Times piece makes GLAAD's lack of support seem all the more ludicrous: one of the anti-gay neighbors eventually admits he has a gay son, with whom he is reconciled after getting to know the gay contestants. As the article recounts:

For Stephen Wright, who was recruited for the series through his church, which has a predominantly gay membership, the outcome has been bittersweet. On the one hand, he has yet to achieve his goal of telling his family's story before a big audience. "We opened our souls and the life of our family, and we did it because we thought we could make a difference," he said.

But Mr. Wright said he took solace that through their participation in the series, he and his partner had had a positive impact on at least one relationship, that of Mr. Stewart and his son. "We said at the outset that if we changed one person's heart or mind, it would be worth it," he said. "We have empirical evidence we did that."

"And," he added, "we won a house."

Since this whole sad episode, GLAAD has come under new leadership. Here's hoping the mistakes of the past are not repeated.

More: I should note that the Times article suggests that the network may have pulled the show fearing that Christian conservatives (whose support ABC/Disney needed to promote its Narnia flick) would be upset that the gay couple won by gaining acceptance. ABC denies this, but I'd say if you think you'll tick off the social conservatives and the racial and gay activists, why run it?

Revisionist history: Former HRC spokesperson Wayne Besen, picking up on the Times story, criticizes "evangelists" for killing Neighborhood, a show that "was exactly what America needs to see," but fails to mention that GLAAD and the racial-grievance groups were most vocal in demanding the show not be aired.

The Devil’s Own.

A very disturbing Washington Monthly profile of blogger Markos Moulitsas Zuniga of The Daily Kos, hero of the Democratic left, and an unvarnished hate-monger:

In June 2003, after television cameras caught a cheering, thousand-strong mob in Fallujah dragging the charred, dismembered bodies of American contractors through the streets, Moulitsas linked to the reports and said of the contractors: "I feel nothing...Screw them."

... If the episode hurt him, it wasn't evident from his readership numbers, which continued to sky-rocket.

He's like Father Coughlin (or worse), preaching that political hatred is a virtue. He makes Limbaugh and Hannity look like intellectuals. And he's shaping the Democratic party.

Marriage = Wealth.

"If you really want to increase your wealth, get married and stay married," says Jay Zagorsky, research scientist at Ohio Sate University. The reasons: (household) economies of scale and marriage's stabilizing factor. It's just more evidence of why the anti-gay-marriage forces are fundamentally unconservative.

As to the headline "Marriage Builds Wealth More than Being Single," one wag commented: John Kerry could have told them that!