The headline of the lead story in the Bay Area
Reporter, San Francisco's gay newspaper of record, said it
all: "Gay
Families Join Easter Egg Roll."
We've come a long way from the Stonewall riot, the sexual
liberationism of the 1970s, and "We're Here, We're Queer, Get Used
to It." There are unmistakable signs that the emphasis on
relationships and families in gay life, politics, and media is
having traditionalizing effects on gay culture.
This is evident in the causes and trends that have dominated the
gay movement for the past 15 years or so: serving in the military,
joining the Boy Scouts, attending services at large gay-friendly
churches, and above all, gay marriage.
This development can even be seen in America's capital of gay
sexual liberation, San Francisco. Recent stories in the
B.A.R. and the Los Angeles Times document the
beginnings of a change in attitudes toward open and explicit
displays of sexuality in the Castro. The change is being spurred
especially by gay families with children, who want a more
family-friendly environment and are chafing at a culture they see
as saturated with sex.
According to
a recent report in the L.A. Times:
In the Castro, restaurants oriented toward gay singles now offer
child-size portions and even highchairs. One coffee shop features a
hot chocolate "Castro Kids Special," a popular item during the
morning rush that the owners call the "stroller hour."
At Cliff's Variety store, children shop for toy unicorns and
jasmine-scented clay putty alongside cross-dressers perusing
feather boas and rhinestone tiaras....
Last year, a lesbian mother of two, now 6 and 2, complained about a
sadomasochistic tableau in a clothing shop window that featured a
male mannequin chained to a toilet. "As an adult I find this
disgusting," she wrote in an e-mail to city officials. "As a
parent I find it unconscionable."
Just a couple of months ago, the B.A.R. ran several
stories about a life-sized wooden statue of an aroused naked man
that was displayed in a Castro storefront. Parents in the
neighborhood objected that it should not be visible to children who
pass by on their way to and from school. After police got involved,
the owner reluctantly covered the statue's private parts.
Some business owners are sensitive to families' concerns. A
lesbian mother reported to the Times that a clothing store
manager helpfully warned her about taking her 12-year-old daughter
into a back room where "suggestive leather outfits were displayed."
With more children in the neighborhood, she predicted, "businesses
that accommodate the sensibilities of families will survive, while
those that are less child-friendly will not."
"Our kids need a place in the community," said July Appel,
executive director of an organization for gay families and a
lesbian mother of two. "The Castro is big enough for everyone. Gay
cruising has its place. But so do playgrounds."
The trend is being felt beyond commercial venues, reaching into
the heart of gay organizations and events. The annual gay pride
parade in San Francisco, by far the largest in the country, now
provides a children's area with licensed day care. This year's
parade will include a float celebrating gay families, complete with
children singing Village People songs.
At the gay community center, nudity is now forbidden in the
hallways-requiring bondage classes to stay behind closed doors.
"Twenty years ago we couldn't have had such a rule," the center's
director, Thom Lynch, told the Times. "People would have
fought it."
These changes in San Francisco reflect larger national trends in
gay life. According to the 2000 Census, there are about 594,000
same-sex "unmarried partner" households, almost evenly split
between gay male and lesbian couples. The Census figure is almost
certainly an undercount since many gay couples probably reported
their status as "boarders" or "roommates" rather than as "unmarried
partners."
Lots of children are being raised by these gay couples. Of the
reported female partners, more than a third are raising children.
Of the reported male partners, more than a fifth are raising
children. That's about 162,000 same-sex households in the U.S.
raising children. This number, too, is almost certainly an
undercount.
Once we include single gay people raising children, reasonable
estimates of the total number of children in the U.S. being raised
by gay parents (singles and couples) range from one million to two
million kids. By all accounts, the number of gay families is
growing.
The effect of all this on gay culture is inescapable. Stable
relationships have a settling effect on people. Saturday nights
become an opportunity to stay home with your partner watching DVD's
instead of another chance for a furtive sexual encounter.
Children encourage yet more domestication. Aside from the
practical and time-consuming work that goes into raising kids,
which reduces one's energy and opportunities for libertinism,
parents tend to be more concerned than single people about a
community's moral environment. It's turning out that gay parents
can be just as concerned about these matters as straight
parents.
"Many gay people once referred to couples with children as
'breeders,' a term with considerable bite to it," the director of
the city's gay community center observed. "It's rarely used
anymore. Now many gays are breeders as well."
We're here, we're families, let the Easter Egg Roll begin.