Maggie Gallagher at the National Organization for
Marriage-producers of the unintentionally hilarious "Gathering
Storm" ad-has been mentioning "footnote 26" of the Iowa marriage
decision quite a bit lately.
For example, she tells conservative blogger Rod Dreher that
same-sex marriage requires "the rejection of the idea that children
need a mom and dad as a cultural norm-or probably even as a
respectable opinion. That's become very clear for people who have
the eyes to see it. (See e.g. footnote 26 of the Iowa
decision)."
Elsewhere she describes the footnote as "the most heartbreaking
sentence" of the decision.
What is this ominous, heartbreaking footnote? The offending bit
is here:
"The research appears to strongly support the conclusion that
same-sex couples foster the same wholesome environment as
opposite-sex couples and suggests that the traditional notion that
children need a mother and a father to be raised into healthy, well
adjusted adults is based more on stereotype than anything
else."
So too says the American Academy of Pediatrics, the Child
Welfare League of America, the National Association of Social
Workers, the American Psychological Association-in fact, every
major health and welfare organization that has examined the issue.
The Iowa Supreme Court has mainstream professional opinion solidly
on its side.
But to say that the opposing view is based on "stereotype"
attacks our opponents' last remotely plausible-sounding secular
argument. No wonder they're getting defensive.
The use of the word "stereotype" is a large part of what irks
them. Those who rely more on stereotype than evidence are being
unreasonable. And in the extreme, those who cling to unreasonable
views are bigots. Elsewhere in the Dreher interview Gallagher
states,
"Same-sex marriage is founded on a lie about human nature:
'there is no difference between same-sex and opposite sex unions
and you are a bigot if you disagree.'"
Indeed, Gallagher uses the term "bigot" and its cognates no
fewer than five times in the short interview.
A bigot if you disagree? Neither the Iowa Supreme Court nor most
marriage-equality advocates make any such sweeping statement. On
the contrary, footnote 26 is attached to the following:
"On the other hand, we acknowledge the existence of reasoned
opinions that dual-gender parenting is the optimal environment for
children. These opinions, while thoughtful and sincere, were
largely unsupported by reliable scientific studies."
"Reasoned opinions" which are "thoughtful and sincere." That's
about as far from "you're a bigot if you disagree" as one can
get.
Marriage-equality opponents are increasingly complaining that
we're calling them bigots. This leads to a kind of double-counting
of our arguments: For any argument X that we offer, opponents
complain both that we're saying X and that we're saying that anyone
who disagrees with X is a bigot.
Then, instead of responding to X-that is, debating the issue on
the merits-they focus on the alleged bigotry charge and grumble
about being called names.
I don't deny that some of us do call them names (sometimes
deserved, sometimes not). Yet even those who call them
"bigots"-such as Frank Rich in his New York Times op-ed "The
Bigots' Last Hurrah"-often engage the substance as well.
Increasingly, our opponents ignore the substance in favor of
touting their alleged persecution.
Personally, I think the term "bigot" should be used sparingly.
Many of those who oppose marriage equality are otherwise decent
people who can and sometimes do respond to reasoned dialogue.
To call such persons bigots is not merely inaccurate; it's a
conversation-stopper. It says, "your views are beyond the pale, and
I won't dignify them with discussion."
But let's not pretend that any one side in this debate has a
corner on conversation-stoppers. There are plenty of people on
Gallagher's side who consider us "deviants" or "perverts," and
those terms don't exactly welcome dialogue either. Neither does
Gallagher's calling us "liars"-as in, "same-sex marriage is based
on a lie about human nature."
There's a more general problem here, and it's hardly unique to
the gay-rights debate. Suppose you've reflected on some
controversial issue and adopted a particular position. Presumably,
you've decided that it's the most reasonable position to hold. How,
then, do you explain the fact that seemingly reasonable people deny
it?
There are several possibilities, most of them not very
flattering. Perhaps your opponents are inattentive, or not very
bright, or have logical blind spots, or are swayed by
superstition.
Or perhaps they're just being bigots. It happens.
(Interestingly, some philosophers have suggested on this basis
that there's no such thing as a "reasonable disagreement," strictly
speaking. If you accept P but think that denying P is "reasonable,"
then you should either switch to not-P or become agnostic about the
issue.)
I don't pretend to understand why seemingly reasonable and
decent people adopt what strikes me as an obviously wrongheaded
position on marriage equality. I think the reasons are various and
complex, though they typically involve a distortion of rationality
caused by other commitments, such as religious bias.
But I also recognize that my opponents do, or should, wonder the
same thing about me-and the ever-growing number of reasonable and
decent Americans who support marriage equality.
Which leaves us with a few choices.
(1) We can call each other crazy and stupid, or bigots, or
deviants. This is generally not helpful.
(2) We can pretend that we're above all that, but complain that
the other side is doing it. This, I fear, is what Gallagher is
doing, and it strikes me as equally unhelpful. It would be akin to
my saying that Gallagher's position is that you should oppose
same-sex marriage, and if you don't, you're a liar (or a heathen or
a pervert or whatever).
(3) We can actually engage the substance of each other's
positions.
I can understand why those with poorly supported positions would
want to avoid (3). That doesn't necessarily make them bigots, but
it doesn't reflect very well on them, either.