The Pleasures of Aging

As one of the few older men writing regular commentary for the gay press, I feel almost uniquely positioned to discuss the problems and pleasures of aging. My comments are based on my own experience and that of other men 60 and older I have discussed this with. But other older readers are welcome to write and tell me how their experience does or does not accord with mine.

There is no doubt that the gay community, like our whole American culture, is youth-oriented. Accordingly, too many young people view the prospects of aging with aversion. But I think they are wrong to think that way. So let me list a few of what seem to me are the advantages of growing older. Here are five. There are others.

You accumulate more experience. With any luck this coagulates into better judgment and greater wisdom. I have talked to several men who said they wished they were younger but on cross-examination none ever said they would be willing to give up the knowledge and judgment they had gained in the intervening years. "On no!" was the usual reaction. There is little use in trying to explain this to younger gays. They will just have to find it out for themselves.

Closely related to this is seldom being surprised by the phenomena of the social world. Older people have, well, not "seen it all before" but often seen similar events and responses in the past. It is not that nothing surprises you: stupidity, rudeness, mendacity and irrationality will continue to do that. But you develop coping mechanisms that make it easier to dismiss such things as part of the background noise of living in multicultural urban environment.

You get more respect from people-young and old both. When I was a gawky youth, I don't recall being treated with any particular respect. But nowadays not only do people call you "Sir"-and not just at leather bars-but they are more likely to hold doors open for you. This is not universally true, but happens frequently enough to be a noticeable change. Your opinions are taken more seriously because they are presumably based on greater experience. As one of my friends put it, "Older people have more gravitas."

The intensity of your sexual desire somewhat diminishes. Cephalus in Plato's Republic remarks that he is finally free of "the tyranny of Venus." I understand what he means. This does not mean that sexual desire completely vanishes but that its claims seem less urgent and more under control. Most older men will understand this intuitively. Younger people who may evaluate themselves by the strength of their libido will just have to learn it-and they will come to realize it is a blessing.

If you take care of yourself, with age you can get better looking, losing that patina of twinkiness that some young gays seem to have. You may remember that 1970s football star Joe Namath commented "I can't wait for tomorrow 'cause I get better looking every day." It was a bit of self-promotional hype, of course, but there is often something to it. This fact was made clear to me not long ago when I saw a recent picture of 1970s porn actor Bruno (real name: Hermes Forteza) in Bear magazine. He is still visibly the same good-looking man, but he has a kind of relaxed maturity about him now 30 years later that is more attractive than his earlier self. I can even share a personal anecdote. I have never been a wildly handsome man, but age has probably improved me. Just a few years ago a young man approached me in a bar and asked, "Can I be your little boy?" Well, maybe.

Washington Predictions for 2010

I'll jump in with a few new year's legislative-front predictions for 2010, which I suspect won't be well received by those who view the world through the lens of LGBT political lobbies and media. In short, don't expect much from Washington in the year ahead.

Having given us a "hate crimes" bill, Democrats feel that, for the most part, they've taken care of things. With elections approaching in November and the number of expected lost seats for Democrats mounting, purple state/district Democrats-already severely burned by succumbing to "Chicago-style" pressure to vote for an increasingly unpopular (and, in fact, truly dreadful) "health care reform" bill-have used up just about all their wiggle room among centrist and center-right voters.

Those who think that they will cast their lots for an Employment Non-Discrimination Act that includes (as LGBT activists insist it MUST) job protections for transgendered workers (ill-defined, despite the bill's verbosity on the matter, and still subject to scary charges about men in dresses exercising free-choice regarding restrooms) are delusional. It won't happen.

As for reforming or repealing the Defense of Marriage Act, sorry, that's a no-go, too. And for the same reasons-Democrats have pushed those beyond their left-liberal base as far as they dare with health care and mega-government-expanding "stimulus," and they must at least appear to be moving back toward the center. Moreover, when it comes to equality for same-sex spouses, the Obama administration has not exactly shown courage, or willingness to spend political capital (indeed, quite the opposite). Which shouldn't surprise anyone who was paying attention during the campaign.

The one possibility for progress is that repeal of "don't ask, don't tell" might be pushed through as part of a defense spending bill later this year. Given that a majority of Americans now seem to favor this, and it might be done relatively quietly, it's within the realm of possibility. That would certainly be welcome, but even John McCain was suggesting he'd consider repeal. Given what the "LGBT community" spent in terms of labor and dollars on behalf of electing this administration and Congress, and the promises we were made, it's slim pickings-if it happens at all.

As for the November elections, pollsters expect significant losses in the House (20 to 40 Democratic seats are widely mentioned) and the shift of several Democratic Senate seats to the GOP, restoring its filibuster. That's going to make the one-party strategy, which was always a terrible "all eggs in one basket" bet, even worse-for us, at least, if not for the Democratic operatives running the Democratic fundraising fronts know as LGBT rights organizations.

Schubert v. Schubert

Anne Marie Schubert has got herself one uphill battle here in Sacramento. She is running to become a Superior Court judge, but she carries with her a burden that is unspeakably unfair. She is Frank Schubert's sister.

Her brother has become something of a brand-name among the anti-gay marriage crowd, not just in California but across the entire nation; he is the gold standard by which all future anti-gay campaigns will be judged, unbelievably successful in convincing voters that same-sex couples are intent on destroying marriage (by wanting to get married) and undermining religion, education, civil society and possibly the global financial superstructure.

Ms. Schubert seems like a fairly decent, run-of-the-mill judicial candidate with an adequate resume and what appears to be solid experience. It will be a shame if people cast their vote for or against her because of what her brother has done. She shouldn't be held responsible for the actions of other people - her brother or anyone else.

But she is a lesbian, and that's what happens to us all too frequently. People get agitated by the actions of one or two gay people somewhere or other, and then point to us as a group, claiming that we all are to blame for what those very few, very unique people have done, rather than judging us on what we, ourselves might do or be. We are tarred by associations we didn't even know we had.

That, of course, is what her brother is now making a career out of doing. The irony will be deep enough to swim in if Sacramento's mostly Democratic voters reject Ms. Schubert because of her brother's jihad. It's profoundly unfair to mischaracterize and maltreat her for her brother's actions in mischaracterizing and maltreating gay people across the country. But his actions do have consequences and spillover effects, not only for those gay people he doesn't know, but very possibly for one he actually does.

And so far I'm only talking about the damage he's done to his sister among those on the left. That's a drop in the bucket compared to what he's done in stirring up anti-gay passions (and they are passions) among the right, and particularly among religious believers who, due in large part to his efforts, are now deeply moved to vote because of concerns about homosexuality.

Of course, it's also entirely possible that Anne Marie's lesbianism and domestic partnership will be a non-issue among those voters, or that in the low profile local judicial race, her sexual orientation and marital (kind of) status will go unnoticed. That is now the best she can hope for.

Frank, too. He is trying hard to distance himself from his own venom and the natural consequences of his handiwork. "My activities in politics are mine alone - she doesn't have anything to do with them," he says.

Hey! He may have something there. My activities in politics, too, are mine alone, and I'm not responsible for the actions or beliefs of others, whether it's one employee at El Coyote Restaurant or some school in Massachusetts, or anyone who signed the absurd and irrelevant Beyond Same-Sex Marriage manifesto, or declaration, or whatever the hell it is. Or NAMBLA.

I suspect Ms. Schubert and I, and a whole lot of other lesbians and gay men, would be on exactly the same page about finding it wearying, and actually harmful to be constantly held responsible for burdens not of our own making. Perhaps she could talk to her brother about that.

Television’s Grave Threat to the Right

Jon Rauch provides a typically excellent summary of the year in gay marriage, which I highly recommend. For my own part, I find I am focusing more and more, not on our own arguments in favor of marriage equality, but on the slow collapse of coherence among our opponents.

I am particularly fascinated by how much effort those who oppose marriage equality are putting into hiding themselves and their arguments from public scrutiny. The people in Washington state who signed petitions to get their initiative to ban even domestic partnerships on the ballot are demanding no one know their identities, and the National Organization for Marriage continues its crusade to keep the sources of its funding to itself. These do not look, to me, like people who are taking much pride in their cause.

Now the defenders of Prop. 8 in California are trying to prevent the court from televising the trial over whether Prop. 8 violates the U.S. Constitution. Like so many on the anti-gay right these days, they claim that they fear for their lives and livelihoods if they and their arguments are exposed to public scrutiny. Some witnesses say they won't even testify if the trial is televised.

I think it's time for some perspective here. Their melodramatic claims have nothing on the very real history of what lesbians and gay men have faced in order to fight for their rights. When their very existence is made criminal (as ours was), they may deserve a bit more sympathy. When police start harassing them in their daily lives (as they did for decades with gay men in particular), they'll be on to something worth complaining about. And when they can credibly claim they are beaten, maimed and even murdered for their positions (as we are, even today, for simply being homosexual), they might have a respectable position. Until then, there is simply no comparison between the imprisonment, indignity and deaths suffered in the fight for gay equality throughout generations and the few, exaggerated claims made by NOM and their fellow travelers.

People who believe they are right should be willing to own the morality of their cause, even when that means taking very real, sometimes severe risks such as going to jail, or even being killed -- neither of which anyone opposed to gay equality can truthfully claim. That's what lesbians and gay men have had to do to get where we are. Perhaps that's harsh, but I'm having a very hard time seeing how name-calling really counts as a similar sort of abuse, or how risking some loss of government funds equates with actual peril in a way that would justify refusing to air arguments in a public forum like a court of law.

As if our history weren't enough to shame the whining out of our opponents today, try this: The simple act of getting married has resulted in two men facing imprisonment for 14 years, if not more. Their marriage is criminal for violating the laws against "public indecency."

That's in Malawi, of course, but it illustrates an important point. This is how upside-down the debate is. For heterosexuals, marriage provides a level of social and constitutional privacy for their sexual activities. Once married, they are free to conduct their sexual lives as they wish, and it is rude if not illegal to intrude into those actions against their wishes. For same-sex couples, though, the simple act of getting married somehow exposes their sexual conduct in such a way that the ceremony amounts to public indecency -- without any need even to claim there was a sexual act. In Malawi, it seems, we don't even need to have sex to be indecent.

That is the set of mind we are trying to expose, and we need to do that publicly. But our opponents don't want to have a public debate. That leaves me with the distinct impression our opponents are afraid of nothing more than their own illogic. They want and need to hide because their arguments don't hold up. Of course they lack the pride and the drive of our supporters -- they don't have anything to be proud of. The discriminatory laws they are trying to maintain have no real justification; they are supported by nothing more than fear of homosexual couples.

That's a ludicrous thing to be afraid of, so they have to concoct what they think is a more respectable veneer. But, as with other forms of prejudice, in the end they are victims only of their own fevered imaginations.

That doesn't require a court's protective order; it requires some soul searching.

Andy Martin Gets the Shaft

It's easy to focus on the homophobia of Andy Martin's pathetic campaign for the Illinois Senate seat. He claims to have a "solid rumor" that the front-runner, Mark Kirk, is a homosexual, and is demanding that Kirk "tell Republican voters the truth."

But I see something else at work. Martin clearly has both feet planted firmly in a time when a candidate's homosexuality, real or imagined, was a problem among almost all voters. That's not entirely unrealistic. There are still areas of the country with a large majority of voters who cling to outdated notions about homosexuality. More important for Martin's strategy, there are a lot of GOP primary voters who believe such things.

The first problem for Martin is his apparent inability to see that the ground is shifting underneath him. Homosexuality, which used to be a problem is now overshadowed by the problem of open homophobia. The problem he thinks he's responding to is, itself, now seen by a lot of voters as a problem.

Even the Illinois GOP knows that unadorned public homophobia is now more of a problem than a candidate's homosexuality, which is why they had to distance themselves from him. And that is the second, and more important battle that Martin is having. The GOP is still stuck with its own position that homosexuals should be discriminated against in the law; that it is good for society to discriminate. But they have to downplay the natural effect of their policy choices, even as they continue those policies.

I can't say I have much sympathy for the GOP, whose public positions have created the Martins of the world. It's always difficult to watch people struggle with their conflicts, but the GOP can't credibly claim they aren't responsible for Martin's belief that a homophobic attack would get him somewhere in a GOP primary.

But from a broader perspective, it's a bit agonizing to observe the waste of time and effort. As more and more openly lesbian and gay candidates are elected, sometimes by broad majorities, the GOP is depleting its own credibility as its policies continue to raise hopes among people like Andy Martin. He had every right to expect his party would look favorably on his mean-spirited stunt. At least as important, the GOP is tacitly encouraging such attacks, whether or not a GOP candidate is actually homosexual. Whether or not Kirk is gay, the fact is that he is not alone in being subject to rumors like this. Rumors of homosexuality (or of many other things) are not required to be true to be accepted. As long as the GOP believes that homosexuality is, itself, wrong, its candidates will be paraticularly subject to this kind of smear.

The Year of Going Mainstream

For the gay marriage debate, 2009 was transitional instead of transformative, but the year was historic nonetheless. To mangle Churchill, it was not the end, nor even the beginning of the end, but it was at least the beginning of the middle.

This is an issue on which the fundamentals of public opinion change glacially. Support for same-sex marriage is rising, but only by about a percentage point or so a year. Essentially, a third of the public supports gay marriage, another third or so supports civil unions instead, and the remaining third opposes any kind of legal status for same-sex couples.

Although public-opinion fundamentals didn't change in 2009; the politics of gay marriage did. Here are the ways the year marked a shift to what a storyteller might call the "long middle."

The preemptive strikes on both sides have failed. Early on, conservatives feared that courts would impose same-sex marriage nationally by fiat. They responded with an attempt to ban gay marriage nationally by constitutional amendment. But the federal courts kept their distance, and the amendment was rebuffed.

As the year ends, it is clear that neither side can knock the other off the field. Gay marriage is firmly established in five states (with the District of Columbia's likely to follow suit), but it is banned, often by constitutional amendment, in most of the others. Unless the Supreme Court shocks the country and itself by declaring gay marriage a constitutional right, the issue will take years, perhaps decades, to resolve. All-or-nothing activists will be disappointed, but the country will get the time it needs to make up its mind.

Legislators are taking over from judges. For years, the only way same-sex marriage seemed possible was by court order. But with state venues for pro-gay-marriage lawsuits having just about dried up, the fight has moved from the lower courts to the political branches, much as the civil rights struggle did in the 1960s. Now, as then, legislative victories afford the movement more momentum and popular legitimacy than judicial ones ever could.

Opponents were fond of arguing that the gay-marriage movement was not just wrongheaded but antidemocratic. But in 2009, gay marriage was passed by the legislatures and signed into law in Maine and New Hampshire, and it was enacted by a veto-overriding majority in Vermont. Nothing undemocratic about that.

Same-sex marriage has been mainstreamed. In its first decade or so on the national stage, gay marriage was a fringe idea, the property of the political far left. No longer. Gay marriage may still be losing at the ballot box, but in Maine in 2009, as in California in 2008, the margins have grown tight. With its establishment last spring in Iowa, same-sex marriage has penetrated the heartland, by court order but with little backlash. Many Democrats have come to see support for gay unions as a political plus. Increasingly, it is the opponents who are playing cultural defense, insisting that they are the ones who are being marginalized and stigmatized.

There's a backlash against the backlash. The most important trend of 2009 began Nov. 4, 2008, when California voters passed Proposition 8, revoking gay marriage in their state. Until then, the preponderance of passion lay with opponents. After Prop. 8, however, many heterosexuals embraced gay marriage, taking ownership of an issue that they have come to view as the next great civil rights battle.

For same-sex marriage advocates, the emergence of a dedicated core of straight supporters is a sea change. There is now comparable energy and commitment on both sides.

It was just such passion, indeed, that led two of the country's most distinguished lawyers - Theodore Olson, a Republican, and David Boies, a Democrat - to join hands across party lines in 2009 and file a lawsuit asking the federal courts to overturn California's Proposition 8. The case is a long shot legally, but the fact that it has attracted such solidly mainstream legal talent is one more sign that the same-sex marriage issue has come of age.

A Marriage

This seems to me a good story to sum up the year: complicated emotions, needless harm, yet in the end hope for all concerned.

I don't know anything about rugby, or Gareth Thomas, but his soon-to-be ex-wife's understanding and uplifting statement about their relationship and its end because of his homosexuality distills my own feelings throughout 2009.

It all begins and ends with the closet. But for this anachronistic social convention that is as useful today as a hitching post, Thomas would not have needed to try and convince first himself, and then someone of the opposite sex that he was straight. It is not enough, in this scheme, that we deceive ourselves; heterosexuals, too, have to be equally and everlastingly drawn into the fraud, some of them at the most intimate level.

Lies so close to the core of our human nature cannot hold for long. In earlier times, spouses like Jemma Thomas also knew the truth. Perhaps they expected less of marriage, or were equally caught up in maintaining the charade. The lies we tell ourselves are the ones we have the greatest stake in.

But each of these experiences helps us better see marriage, and better value it. That is what I hope the movement for gay marriage is adding to society as a whole: a reaffirmation of marriage's worth, of love at its best and commitment at its most forthright.

Yes, this is about the law's failure to recognize our relationships, and we have a very direct interest in that. It certainly involves our self-interest.

But who can speak more authoritatively about the value of something than those who do not have it? Of course we want marital equality because the constitution promises us the equal protection of the laws. But marriage is unlike any other constitutional right, because it involves two people, and in the real world one of them is likely to be heterosexual. Whatever heterosexuals think they are encouraging by either denying homosexuality exists, or insisting that homosexuals hide that fact, they are, in fact, doing something they surely do not intend: assuring that some of their own will be deceived, not in some general sense, but every day of their lives, until the predictable revelation. They are, in fact, using the force of law to guarantee that fate for some of their children.

The whole enterprise of gay rights has been to deconstruct this fabric of insincerity. No one is well served, gay or straight, by making us bear false witness against ourselves. In coming out, Gareth Thomas was doing no more than admitting what could no longer be denied; his regret was not for personal wrongdoing, but for the wrongdoing he felt the world demanded of him.

Jemma has the grace and the pragmatism to recognize that while coming out is hard for both of them, it's better than the closet. Like many other prominent wives during the last decade, she has had to endure the same indignity lesbians and gay men do when the truth can no longer be denied. It is these spouses who are our natural allies; who sees more clearly that heterosexuals have a very direct interest in having us be honest with ourselves and with them, and to form relationships based on that honesty?

Despite her own ordeal, she is ready to continue her own needlessly interrupted life, and expresses her continuing love and good wishes to Gareth.

That is a fine note on which to end 2009. Love and good wishes to all of our readers here at IGF as well.

(H/T to Towleroad)

Comfort and Joy!

Allow me to share a favorite holiday story.

It was late November 1989, a year after I first came out. I had been dating a guy named Michael for over a month, which made him (in my mind, at least) my first "real" boyfriend. I was twenty and he was turning twenty-two, and we decided to drive into the city to celebrate his birthday.

"The city" was Manhattan. I was living with my parents on Long Island while going to college; Michael lived nearby. Together with his cousin and his cousin's boyfriend, we piled into my 1985 Camry and made the trek west along the Long Island Expressway, crossing the Williamsburg Bridge into the Big Apple.

Dinner, then drinks, then dancing-or more accurately, sitting in the corner flirting while other people danced. It was the kind of young love (lust?) that makes one largely oblivious to one's surroundings.

So perhaps we shouldn't have been surprised, upon exiting the club, to discover that it had been snowing for several hours-hard. No one had predicted a blizzard that night, and it wasn't as if we could check the weather on our iPhones. (Remember, it was 1989.)

We rushed back to the car and headed slowly home. About a third of the way across the Williamsburg Bridge, traffic stopped.

We waited a minute, then five, then ten-and still no movement. The snow around us was blinding. Meanwhile, the cousin and his boyfriend were soundly asleep in the back seat.

So Michael and I did what any two young lovebirds would do in such a situation: we started making out in the car.

We kissed; we caressed; we cuddled. It felt like we were there for an hour, though again, we were largely oblivious to time and space. It was joyous.

Eventually the traffic flow resumed and we made it home okay.

Michael dumped me a few weeks later (Merry Christmas, indeed) and what remained of our relationship was more disastrous than that night's weather. But two decades and numerous boyfriends later, I still count that bridge experience as one of the magical moments of my life.

It wasn't just because it was new and exciting, or because of the Frank Capra setting (Snow on a bridge? Seriously?).

It was because, at a time in my life when I still struggled to make sense of being "different," the experience sent a powerful, visceral message: Gay is good.

The message didn't arrive by means of a philosophical argument or someone else's testimony. It came through direct experience. Those once-scary feelings were suddenly a font of great beauty, and intimacy, and comfort. I had previously figured it out in my head. Finally, I knew it in my heart.

In this column I have often extolled the virtues of long-term relationships. I believe in those virtues-and am ever grateful for my eight-year partnership with Mark, the love of my life.

But I don't believe that homosexuality has moral value ONLY in the context of long-term relationships-any more than heterosexuality does. That quick flirtatious glance across a crowded room; that awkward kiss with the cute stranger at the party-such moments make life joyful, and there is great moral value in joy.

And so, this holiday, I wish my readers joy.

It has been an incredible, fast-paced year on the gay-rights front. We gained marriage equality in several states only to lose it again in Maine; we had ballot victories in Washington State and Kalamazoo, MI; we elected a lesbian mayor in Houston and a gay City-Council President in Detroit.

There are reasons to be hopeful, and there is much work left to be done. We will keep fighting the good fight.

Yet let us also step back and enjoy the simple yet profound joy that is part and parcel of why we're fighting. Kiss someone under the mistletoe, and remember that life is good.

Wishing you all the best in 2010.

On Vulgarity

One of the most oppressive burdens gays have to carry in the fight for equality is the permission some heterosexuals give themselves to talk explicitly in public about specific sexual practices some homosexuals may prefer. Any particular sexual act, described in lurid enough detail to a nonparticipant, can be made to sound repellant, particularly to someone who does not share the participants' taste. The Marquis de Sade was not even trying to disgust people in describing his catholic sexual escapades - most all of them heterosexual -- yet remains to this day the brand name for sexual disgust.

Which is why heterosexuals nearly always leave one another's sexual proclivities at the bedroom door. With the exception of frat-boy braggadocio (usually among single men, and usually in private) it is rare to hear public discussion of specific heterosexual acts, from the mundane to the exotic.

But anti-gay heterosexuals (and even some who are neutral) exercise something close to voyeuristic exuberance in peppering discussion of gay civil rights with vulgar and extreme descriptions of sexual acts. In 1991, California's state senator David Knowles set the standard, in an obscene tirade on the Senate floor during debate on a bill that would have done no more than prohibit employment discrimination based on sexual orientation. Knowles insisted on describing "the specifics of the lifestyle" in shocking terms that left members speechless, and fearful about whether the publicly broadcast debate would violate obscenity laws. After an uproar in the chamber, Knowles's fellow conservative Republicans had to shout him down.

This is still a preferred tactic in opposing gay equality, both at home and abroad. In our own country, Liberty Counsel's Matt Barber has been quoted (by his anti-gay supporters) reducing homosexual sexual orientation to "one man violently cramming his penis into another man's lower intestine and calling it 'love' " In Uganda, a full-page newspaper ad, headlined "Top Homos In Uganda Named" provides a Sadistic catalogue of the sexual preferences of various homosexuals there.

Of all the inequalities lesbians and gay men have to endure, this one is among the most degrading. No heterosexual would stand for being diminished to the sum of his or her sexual activities, and homosexuals should not be held to a different standard. Without sex, we would all be less than human, but not even a beast is composed only of its carnality.

This obsession among some heterosexuals is more than disrespectful; it is really the only distraction they can come up with to keep us off the subject, which is equal rights under the law. We are having a civil discussion, here, and I don't think it's out of line for us to expect heterosexuals to show us the same courtesy about private matters they enforce and expect among themselves.

Picking the Wrong Fight

The debate over whether AOUSC or OPM should adminster the FEHBP for judicial employees is actually a deep and important one, whether or not we have a DPBOA.

And did I mention this is related to DOMA?

It should be obvious from the profusion of acronyms that I'm talking about federal law. Last January, Ninth Circuit Chief Judge Alex Kozinski ruled, in his capacity as an administrator of the federal courts, that the Administrative Office of the United States Courts would violate its own equal employment rules if it denied Karen Golinski, a court employee, health benefits for her lawful same-sex spouse, and directed the AO to provide the benefits. That decision was never appealed to any court or other reviewing body. After the AO processed Golinksi's paperwork under the Federal Employees Health Benefits Program, the Obama administration's Office of Personnel Management stepped in to put a stop to this blatant disregard of DOMA's unambiguous demand that the federal government must discriminate against same-sex couples.

The statement from Elaine Kaplan, OPM's General Counsel is reasoned and explicitly recognizes that DOMA is both unfair in general, and is even "painful" to court employees like Golinski. That is why (the statement notes) the President supports DOMA's legislative repeal, and in the interim, the Domestic Partner Benefits and Obligations Act. Nevertheless, DOMA is the law.

The administration's stated reluctance to enforce a law it opposes makes it a little harder to view this as a political fight over gay rights; this is a battle over whether the courts are truly independent of the administration when it comes to their own employees, or whether the employees of our constitutionally separate court system are subject to the employment rules applicable to the Executive branch. That is actually a profound argument about the structure of our government, and one whose outcome isn't entirely clear.

But what is clear is that the administration did not need to pick this fight. An uncountable number of administrative issues like this are ignored or neglected or simply never noticed every day. Given government's enormous size and scope in the modern world, administrators have to prioritize their time and efforts.

Consequently, it is no compliment to this administration (and I would single out the Department of Justice, whose judgment the administration is following) that this is the ground they chose to fight on. No one views this as a battle over executive power, and after the Bush administration, it's pretty pathetic that this is the best characterization the administration could hope for. Obama's folks are politically conflicted over how to handle DOMA and gay rights in general, and that weakness is highlighted by the fact that the head of OPM, John Berry, is the highest-ranking openly gay official in the administration.

He is now being held in an undisclosed closet.

UPDATE: It's worse than I'd thought. I assumed Berry was hiding behind the skirts of a heterosexual Elaine Kaplan, but it seems she's openly gay as well. I suppose it's progress that we're in the position where the governmental insults and slights come from our own people, but, as Seth Meyers says so eloquently, "Really?"