With the country still simmering after the Massachusetts court
decision that could extend marriage to gay couples, it's time to
separate the chaff from the wheat in the arguments for gay
marriage.
There are several good arguments for gay marriage.
Among these are the stability and commitment it would encourage in
gay relationships and in gay life generally. That would benefit
everybody, gay and straight.
There are also some bad arguments against gay marriage.
An example is the selective logic of the procreation argument,
which holds that nobody is required to procreate in order to marry,
except gay couples, who can't procreate, and so must unfortunately
be excluded.
We should acknowledge, however, that we ourselves have been
guilty of making some bad arguments for gay marriage. Here
are three:
Bad Argument #1: It's All About the
Benefits.
The most common argument for gay marriage emphasizes the harm
that's done to gay couples by excluding them from the protections
and benefits of marriage. Among these are tax benefits, settled
property division and presumed child visitation and/or custody upon
death or divorce, testimonial privileges in court, hospital
visitation, and health benefits extended by private employers or
governments to the spouses of workers. Someone has tallied over
1,000 marital benefits and privileges. Give us all these goodies,
too, the argument goes.
Benefits are indeed part of the story about why it's wrong to
exclude gay couples from marriage, but they are not the most
important part of it. Some of the benefits of marriage can be
replicated - at some cost and inconvenience to the couple - through
wills, trusts, and contracts.
Emphasizing the riches of marriage misses the richness of
marriage. Very few people marry in order to experience the magic of
filing a joint income tax return. They marry because, in our
tradition and history, marriage is the way couples in a community
signal the depth of their commitment to one another. Their family
and peers reciprocate by supporting and celebrating that
commitment, which in turn reinforces it. Everyone understands the
stakes.
If the benefits were all that mattered, civil unions would be an
adequate substitute. Yet, "We're unionized," simply does not have
the powerful social significance of, "We're married." So let's
argue for the benefits, but let's not stop there.
Bad Argument #2: We Have a 'Right' to
Marry.
Another common argument for gay marriage is more legalistic, and
less functional, than the first. It tends to emphasize the
discrimination in the marriage exclusion, holding that gays have
just as much "right" to marry as heterosexuals.
The problem is that, while a reasonable legal argument can
indeed be made for gay marriage, it is unlikely to persuade anyone
who isn't already convinced that gay marriage is a good idea or at
least not a bad idea. Legal conclusions follow, they do not create,
arguments on the merits of an issue.
Another problem with the rights argument is that it tends to
channel our efforts toward courts, where the issue will not
ultimately be won, and away from legislatures and from the hearts
of our fellow citizens, where it must be won. The comparatively
easy work of writing briefs for judges and their clerks will not
substitute for the hard work of persuading the people we're
right.
Bad Argument #3: Gay Marriage Will Revolutionize
Society, and That's Good.
This perspective was recently expressed by sociologist Kersti
Yllo, a professor at Wheaton College in Massachusetts. "We need to
acknowledge [conservatives'] argument that gay and lesbian
marriages have the potential to change civilization as we know it,"
says Yllo. "And that will be a good thing."
There are at least three versions of this argument. One holds
that heterosexuals have screwed up marriage and gays will do a
better job. But gay couples, I predict, will suffer divorce rates
just as high as their straight counterparts. There will be
instances of gay spousal abuse and infidelity, just as there are
for straight couples. Gay marriage is not the cause of the problems
with marriage, but neither is it a solution.
A second version of the revolution argument maintains that gay
marriages will be less "stifling" and perhaps more "open-textured,"
offering a healthy alternative marital model to straight couples.
What is primarily meant by these euphemisms, I think, is that gay
male couples will play around more.
I doubt the rate of publicly "open" gay marriages will be very
high, for reasons I've offered elsewhere. Further, whatever that
rate, I doubt it will have any effect on straight couples because
gay couples will comprise a tiny percentage of all marriages and
because women will continue to demand monogamy in opposite-sex
marriages.
Moreover, if gay marriage did have this "liberating" effect on
straight marriage, that would be a good argument against
gay marriage. Sexually open relationships are on average less
stable and lasting than monogamous ones. Introducing even more
instability into opposite-sex marriages would be terrible for the
relationships themselves and for the children they often
produce.
The third version of the revolution argument holds that gay
marriage will undermine traditional gender roles under which wives
do housework and husbands make money. Like the
better-living-through-adultery fallacy just discussed, this
argument assumes a huge effect from a small cause. Besides, gay
couples are often not radically different from straight couples in
their division of labor. Finally, traditional marital roles have
already declined to a great extent.
While Arguments Nos. 1 and 2 are just bad when offered by
themselves, Argument No. 3 in all its versions is just plain
bad.