Originally appeared in the Sept. 6, 2001, issue of Update (San Diego).
LAST MONTH, Reuters reported on the growing speculation that Britain's Prince Charles would, at long last, be permitted to marry his longtime lover, Mrs. Camilla Parker-Bowles. The story, making its way round Fleet Street, is that Queen Elizabeth has "grudgingly" accepted that the couple should be free to wed, perhaps after next year's Golden Jubilee celebrating her 50-year reign.
What does this bit of British gossip have to do with us? On a superficial level, not much. But I find in the tangled tale of the frustrated prince who, against all convention, yearns to marry his mistress, a (gasp!) divorced woman, a reflection of our larger, and more important, struggle for the right to marry the partners we share our lives with. Both the predicament of the prince, and the fight being waged by gays and lesbians to wed, point toward a common cultural shift. And that is society's realization that allowing a mindless regard for "tradition" to stand in the way of happiness is not, after all, a good thing.
Readers above a certain age will realize just what a departure this would be for Britain and its royals. Was it really a mere half century ago that Princess Margaret, the queen's younger and more rebellious sister, yearned to marry a divorced man, and was told, in no uncertain terms (and by Elizabeth herself, it is said) "No"? She went on to a loveless, but respectable, union that ended, wouldn't you know it, in divorce - making her a bit of an outcast herself.
And a bit earlier still, King Edward, the Duke of Windsor to be, was famously forced to renounce his throne in order "to marry the woman I love," Mrs. Wallis Simpson, also a divorcee.
What has happened in the meantime, of course, has been a sea change in the way we think about divorce. With each of Elizabeth's children save one divorced themselves, it just doesn't seem right to bar poor Charles, the royal heir (divorced and widowed), from remarrying.
According to the Reuters article, which quotes Britain's Spectator magazine, royal courtiers have been "in despair about the religious, legal, and constitutional difficulties of a marriage between Prince Charles and Mrs. Parker-Bowles." Religion is an obstacle due to the royal family's links to the Church of England, of which Charles is due one day to become supreme governor and "protector of the faith." The Anglican Church, despite the break with Roman Catholicism - that business with Henry VIII and his six (count 'em, six) wives, who kept losing their heads - doesn't consider divorce to be, well, "respectable."
In Charles' case, carrying out a long-term clandestine affair with a divorcee could be countenanced, but taking it public and demanding that society recognize and celebrate his "nontraditional" relationship was asking too much. Just like religious conservatives in the good old U.S. of A. would rather see gays living secretive, even promiscuous lives than allow us to marry. The view that it's better to sin secretly (oh, like everyone doesn't know) than to live honestly could apply to both. Hypocrisy triumphant.
But, said the Reuters article, more recently these same royal courtiers who were aghast at the thought of a Charles-Camilla union have become aware that "it is both cruel and absurd that the prince and Mrs. Parker-Bowles should be forced to contemplate old age deprived of the benefits and comfort of marriage." And, as noted earlier, the queen is said to have come around, slowly, to accept this as well.
At the risk of belaboring the comparison, the same, of course, could be said of gays and lesbians who are breaking down society's resistance to our coupledoms.
And here's another parallel - the prince and his consort have been waging an ongoing campaign for acceptance by slowly but steadily "going public" with their affection for one another. No, I don't mean the purloined tapes of phone calls during the past unpleasantness with the late Princess of Wales, in which Charles was caught pining to be a "pair of knickers" on his lady love. No, I mean something far more prosaic. This past June, Charles and Camilla sealed their relationship with their first public kiss. That sensational kiss, Reuters noted, "was heralded by royal-watchers as a milestone," and "underlined Prince Charles' determination that Mrs. Parker-Bowles be publicly accepted as his partner."
Not exactly a "kiss in," but still a calculated move to use a heretofore shocking public display of affection with the clear message of "we're here, we're dear, get used to it."
Reuters continues, "in what has been seen as a carefully orchestrated campaign by Prince Charles' aides, the couple has gradually increased the frequency and profile of engagements they attend together." No going back in the closet for these two.
Eventually, the walls of resistance began to crumble. For we are informed, at the end of the Reuters report, that "Mrs. Parker-Bowles met Queen Elizabeth for the first time last year at a birthday party for former King Constantine of Greece," who is some sort of distant cousin to the British royals.
So there you have it. Even the queen is caving, and letting the notorious divorcee/mistress attend her party out in the open for all to see. Symbolically speaking, Camilla is now becoming part of the family. Just like the first time the folks accepted your lover when you brought him to cousin Ralph's birthday bash? Well, kind of.