There were many questions and much speculation (particularly in the Comments to my post) about the underlying facts related to the Catholic School in Boulder that expelled the children of a lesbian couple.
That couple has issued a statement anonymously (to protect their children's privacy). It lays out the facts clearly, concisely and with a cool passion I can only admire. If there's any better commentary on this situation, I can't imagine what it would sound like. If this case has caught your attention at all, their words are a must-read.
I titled my post "Suffer the Children," but I am happy to take it back. These children have got a couple of the best parents in the world, and while their church is doing everything it can to undermine these women's amazing parental skills, any suffering the church may be causing to the kids is more than compensated for by God's gift of their moms.
(H/T to Towleroad)
43 Comments for “Sacred Hearts”
posted by BobN on
Those are two lucky kids!
posted by Jimmy on
I spent my youth and early adulthood in a Missionary Baptist church comprised of transplanted Scots/Irish Appalachian folks who carried within their DNA a centuries-old animosity towards anything Catholic. I’ve sat through as many anti-Catholic sermons as I have those devoted to anti-homosexuality.
While serving as Sunday School superintendent ( elected 3 years running, thank you very much) I experienced a jarring revelation one morning when a deacon, who was giving a lesson to the adult class on how the various races came to be, stated that, in the eyes of God, interracial marriage was a sin. That statement was received with a few nodding heads and a couple of mumbled “Amens”.
What I had been coming to suspect, in that moment, became clear – these people were nuts, and I was no longer going to be counted among them, including those to whom I was related to and very much loved.
Contributing factors to the inner arbitration I was undergoing were most certainly my coming to terms with my sexuality and the highfalutin’ college education I was getting. Critical thinking and blind faith are, for me, were irreconcilable (and still are), so I had to get up off of that pew and walk.
I imagine that anyone who has been a member of a faith community has had to come to a moment where they decide what they will reconcile (a conscious decision), and what they
will not reconcile with the rational beliefs they hold about the world, if they have any at all. Some, like the fellow on the Texas Board of Education, rationally believe that the earth is less than 10,000 years old. Some, like me, may wonder if they really do believe that. I conclude that they do, and that makes them nuts, which is fine because I don’t go to their church. I went to one very much like it though, and I left.
This lesbian couple, in effect, are still setting in the pew and have made a decision to reconcile what their faith tradition says about them, which is pretty unequivocal, with the rest of their lives. How they manage to square that deal, I have no idea.
But to this day, even I fall back on old habits. For the things that confound me, I keep in reserve a favorite hymn.
“Farther along, we’ll know all about it
Farther along, we’ll understand why.
Cheer up my brother,
Live in the sunshine.
We’ll understand it,
All by and by.”
posted by Jorge on
Oh, yuck. Conservative, tax-paying, community-minded parents.
Just kidding! That was very well-written.
So it was the teachers who leaked it? Really? Sounds like a mini-rebellion there. So what will the staff do now? What will the community do now? Is it still time to live with injustice and move on, or is it time for a break? That’s a decision that has already been made.
But you know, not all churches are going to accept a gay couple. My local church didn’t accept my aunt because she was remarried. She went elsewhere. So my mother tells me the lesson learned is you keep your business to yourself, like Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. What a terrible policy that is for religion!
posted by Throbert McGee on
Don’t “take back” that title — in the context, it works as a rather elegant pun, although a lot of people probably overlooked the double meaning.
posted by Throbert McGee on
The yapping over at Towelrod about how much the awful Catholic Church HATES! gay people reminded me of an essay I wrote years ago on my personal blog. Here’s the link. (Warning: full of potty language, and honestly the writing seems “overly precious” when I re-read it today — maybe someday I’ll get around to editing it.)
To summarize it, my basic point is that while the Vatican does indeed describe homosexual acts as “objectively disordered” and “intrinsically evil”, the Church ALSO teaches that it’s “objectively disordered and intrinsically evil” for a husband to give his wife a “pearl necklace” after titty-fucking her. For that matter, it’s objectively disordered and intrinsically evil if a married couple use the Pill!
What I’m getting at is that certain Catholic theologians just seem to be in love with the phrase “objectively disordered and intrinsically evil”, and they apply it willy-nilly to anything within their line of vision. Therefore, GBLTQetc. persons who feel that the Church is somehow singling them out are perhaps a bit too self-obsessed.
(See also: Paranoia as a manifestation of narcissism.)
posted by BobN on
Throbert reveals, once again, that he is more Frotestant than Catholic. The Catholic Catechism applies the term “objectively disordered” not to non-reproductive sex acts, as Throbert says, but to the “inclination” to homosexual acts. He is right that non-reproductive sex, if it is the goal of sex or if it intended to “render procreation impossible”, is called “intrinsically evil”. Rape is, as well.
The husband doling out the pearl necklace is, you may note, absolved if he’s just having some fun along the way in a multi-orgasmic attempt to propagate the species that will end in a properly placed ejaculation.
http://www.vatican.va/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a6.htm
posted by Debrah on
Throbert’s an excellent writer and he really needs to begin his own active blog to serve as a contrast to destinations like Towleroad and company, which is nothing more than a kind of National Enquirer online.
Nothing wrong with that, I suppose; however, the general population needs to get other views of the gay community such as IGF provides.
And besides, I adore the little Throbert munchkin!
His blog would be a hit!
posted by Steve on
“Suffer the children” means “allow the children”.
posted by Throbert McGee on
BobN, I’ll have you know that I didn’t sleep through 12 years of Catholic Sunday School (which was called “Confraternity of Christian Doctrine,” or “CCD,” back in my day — I think they have a different term for it now, possibly because nowadays people associate “CCD” with digital cameras!
Anyhew, the catechism that you link to does indeed describe non-procreative sex of any kind as “disordered”:
P.S. The only year that I actually enjoyed Sunday School was in 10th grade, when the class was taught by a dorkishly handsome, late-30s Army officer who reminded me of Lee Majors crossed with a teddy bear. I’ve always been a sucker (pun intended) for the “suburban dad next door” type, and this guy in fact lived with his wife and kids in the same townhouse development as my family. I would sit in class trying not to stare at the honey-brown chest hair spilling out of his shirt collar, and his sturdy jaw with the five-o-clock shadow, and his thick, playful eyebrows, and fantasize about the “objectively disordered and intrinsically evil” activities I’d be engaging in later that evening, when I was back home and alone in my bedroom with the door locked…
P.P.S. In the context of digital cameras and camcorders, “CCD” means “charge-coupled device” — it’s a chip with millions of little light-sensitive pixels that form the image, analogous to the retina of the eye.
posted by Debrah on
Bobby, this latest one from Jonathan Rauch at JWR is for you.
posted by Debrah on
Throbert, your “P.S.” paragraph is stiff (pun intended) competition for what Tom calls my “romance novel” effulgences.
Priceless!
posted by BobN on
Anyhew, the catechism that you link to does indeed describe non-procreative sex of any kind as “disordered”:
“Disordered” applied to acts and “objectively disordered” applied to an orientation are not equivalent. Ask a Catholic theologian.
posted by Bobby on
Interesting column, Debra. And here lies the problem:
“Hopes for a firm U.S. recovery depend heavily on consumers’ getting back in the game quickly, an iffy proposition”
How can I get back on the game with my minuscule salary? I would need to make $90,000 or $150,000 just to sit on the bleachers, as it is, I’m struggling just to avoid over drafting.
The America of our grandparents is dead, in the 1950s you could work for GM without a college education and make a good living. Now your college degree doesn’t mean much, and even MBA’s are starting to lose their value.
I think eventually the economy will correct itself, even in Las Vegas people are finally buying homes again since the prices have reached a bottom that attracts investors.
I’m also predicting that if health care reform fails Wall Street will cheer and the economy will improve as Americans dodge the bullet of government-run health care.
posted by paul on
I can feel the pain of these parents with the Catholic’s schools decision. But one has to wonder about the parents decision to enroll their children into a Catholic school to begin with.
I totally disagree with an earlier poster Throbert McGee about how lovely the Catholic church is. It isn’t. The Catholic church does in fact preach gay hate and is guilty of much much more than that.
The Catholic church is a vile and evil business that time and time again has been found guilty of one of the worst crimes against humanity. Namely the rape of innocent children and the Catholic cover up of these unspeakable crines agaist humanity. Now we know that even the Pope has had a very active part in allowing these criminals to avoid prosecution AND allowed these priests and bishops, etc. to continue to be around children to continue on sexually raping innocent children.
Back on topic: It is surely another anti christian decision by the Catholic church to punish a small innocent child….but as per the above examples they are professionals at this. The Catholic Church should be vilified for this horrible decison.
Secondly, knowing what kind of organization the Catholic church is and the constant hate that they preach about gays should be enogh for the parents to enroll their children in a more socially accepting school.
Knowing that the church is supporting and hiding criminals who molest and rape children shold be the primary reason why these parents should have never enrolled their kids there.
There are no victims. These parents also made a bone-headed decision and they should thank the god they worship every day they have left that the Catholic church will no longer allow their children to be subjected to the possible rape and molestation of their children.
posted by Throbert McGee on
I’d be embarrassed if it were otherwise.
posted by Debrah on
Bobby, you’re right in that a college degree now has about the same power as a high school degree held in decades past.
It seems anyone and everyone can get one these days without rigorous academic effort.
However, check out the discussion here.
Given the global changes and demands in the marketplace, one wonders if this constant push to have everyone obtain a degree, when so many simply do not have the capacity, should be questioned.
The university experience is priceless with regard to the cultural rewards of being on a large, prestigious campus for four years. It’s an irreplaceable time in one’s life.
However, so many do not flourish inside such an atmosphere and the push to lower standards so that even those not academically qualified can get “a degree” of some kind is a waste of time and resources.
You’re much more qualified to speak about business and economic issues than I; however, I’m sure you’ll agree with some of the points made in that column above.
posted by Bobby on
Hey Debrah, I wouldn’t say I’m more qualified than you on anything, heck, I was a Communications Major and I have problems talking to people. LOL.
“Given the global changes and demands in the marketplace, one wonders if this constant push to have everyone obtain a degree, when so many simply do not have the capacity, should be questioned.”
—I wonder that to, specially since I sometimes work for an educational adviser who helps people get into colleges like Harvard, Yale, Stanford, etc. My boss swears by a college education and it’s true that a degree or masters at an Ivy League School can translate into a job that pays $65,000 to $100k+ a year. But what if you don’t get into those colleges? Furthermore, if you want to design video games for a living or get into one of those up and coming careers, are you really better off at some stuffy college like the University of California or would it be better to go to a technical institute?
Technical institutes sometimes lack recognition and respect, but at least you learn the essentials instead of learning a bit about everything and mastering absolutely nothing.
I suppose the college experience is a must for some people, although frankly, I didn’t like it that much, maybe I forgot to drink and experiment with drugs.
posted by Throbert McGee on
Debrah effulges:
Aw, I’m not so little anymore — I’ll be 40 in November 2011! But here’s me being adorable about 10 years ago, as I demonstrate the no-muss, no-fuss convenience of feeding a dog with a “drop-in neck-mounted food hopper”. My ex (whose voice you hear as the camera operator) just posted this on YouTube.
(Our little dog, Poochy, was at the time recovering from expensive surgery to remove an intestinal obstruction — which turned out to be not the proverbial chicken bone, but a chunk of corncob!)
posted by Debrah on
Bobby, you’re always talking about economic issues and you put forth strong arguments on the current challenges we face……so I just assumed that you must have been a business major.
LOL!
I totally agree that a university education is the best way to go for most people.
It was always understood. No need to have even discussed it that I was expected to get one.
It was an unspoken rule my father had….and I’m glad that he was so adamant about such things. I think most of us were instilled with such values as little kids and we just followed through as expected.
But deep down I wonder if I would have discontinued my push for a professional career in music if I had not taken those four years at university.
It can derail a teenager with real talent who should simply go directly into actual performance…instead of taking the traditional route.
Things happen, I tell myself, for the best; however, if I were a high school kid today, I’d put the university campus on hold and go directly for the recording contract!
As you say, a degree from an Ivy league school opens doors; however, I would argue that such a degree has been diminished in value……simply because many who possess one these days can barely speak the English language and have no real knowledge that supposedly comes along with such a degree.
Sort of like this guy.
Lastly, check out the names on this list.
Interesting, eh?
posted by Debrah on
Throbert, baby……that’s so cute!
November? Scorpio or Sagittarius?
Also, the only criticism I have is that (from that vid) you appear not to put a premium on neatness.
Clean up your room!
posted by BobN on
Clean up your room!
Debrah once again exhibits her lack of understanding of gay male culture. There are two manifestations of being a “straight-acting” gay man. One is the hyperfastidious type. Not the neat and tidy and sparkling type, complete with doilies on the chairbacks, but the spic and span, a-place-for-everything-and-everything-in-its-place, military precision type.
Throbert appears to be an example of the other type, which is more common and more closely resembles the majority of straight men as well. It’s odd. Most Frotestants I have known lean toward military neatness.
posted by Throbert McGee on
The thing is, I was basically Felix Unger to my ex’s Oscar Madison — a lot of the mess you see in that living room was his doing. I was diligent about keeping the kitchen and bathroom clean, and did my best to keep the astonishing amounts of shed dog hair under control.
Sadly, in my subsequent years of being single, I’ve degenerated into more of a slob. (Neither my sister nor I inherited the incredible self-discipline of our military parents when it comes to keeping house!)
posted by Jimmy on
Some guys just never left the frat house.
Or is it “frot” house?
posted by Debrah on
“Debrah once again exhibits her lack of understanding of gay male culture.”
**************************************************
f only……
BobN, whatever lack of understanding I might have had—born of the reality that I am 1) not male; and 2) not gay—the last several months of research and close observation have rendered an effing PhD in the subject!
And BobN, how shocked I am on this first day of Spring to see such banter coming from you.
Tsk! Tsk!
There are many fastidious, anal-retentive, and obsessive-compulsively NEAT people among all humanoids.
Many gay men do seem to be concerned with the condition of their physiques—(when you constantly exhibit your azz as the “end game”, attention to detail is important, after all)—and the way they dress; however that can be said about many men, gay or straight.
“…..the spic and span, a-place-for-everything-and-everything-in-its-place, military precision type.”
********************************************
The “everything-in-its-place” trait is a great thing, and it’s the way I am, personally.
A guy who’s been in my life for a long time (too bad I don’t love him) is fastidious about everything he does. Many straight men are that way, so it’s not a gay thing.
Who dreamed up that stereotype, anyway?
IMO, this is a trait you cannot easily learn. You’re just that way, or you’re not.
I’ve been compulsively neat since birth. Even the stuffed animals I had as a child had to be put back in their places of the room after play. And any kid who visited was chastised if they didn’t follow the “little diva rule”. LOL!
It’s probably not realistic to expect Throbert to follow the lead of his parents; however, if he falls in love with someone who is a neat-freak, he will be compelled to change his behavior…..just as a matter of course…..to keep the peace.
Personally, I couldn’t spend one day around a man who is a slob.
I simply couldn’t take it.
I like to keep my surroundings looking as though they’re “un-lived in”……which always provides a nice cover for the wild, torrid creature who lurks within.
LOL!!!
Such are the contradictions of life.
posted by Debrah on
“Or is it “frot” house?”
*********************************
Cute, Jimmy.
You guys have lots of fun with the subject matter which Throbert so valiantly promotes……amid the anal grotesquerie.
However, it should be noted that the prelude to “frottage”—(mastarbation)—is usually the way small children first discover their own sexuality.
posted by Debrah on
Throbert, special info for you.
GIS!
posted by Bobby on
“Many gay men do seem to be concerned with the condition of their physiques–(when you constantly exhibit your azz as the “end game”, attention to detail is important, after all)—and the way they dress; however that can be said about many men, gay or straight.”
—Absolutely! Sometimes if I haven’t shaved my head I won’t even go to a gay club. I think physique is everything in the gay community, I cannot think of anything more important.
As for fashion, that only matters when you’re a clone. How does a 5% bodyfat distinguish himself from another 5% bodyfat? Two words: Dolce Gabanna. If you have a twinky, skinny body, then maybe you wear designer clothes to give yourself extra ooomph. Think of the gay assistant in Ugly Betty, he’s a fabulous dresser because he has a common body (common for gay standards, for straight standards he’s hot).
On the other hand, sexy guys can get away with wearing rip jeans and ugly clothes. Frankly, I think fashion is a waste of money, you’re better off spending it on your personal trainer.
posted by Debrah on
“I think physique is everything in the gay community, I cannot think of anything more important.”
*******************************************
Which really illustrates the insanity of gay male culture, no?
And makes all the screams and moans for “gay marriage” a bit ridiculous.
I mean, physique and looks are important to everyone and only those who won’t be honest about that fact will offer protestations to the contrary…….
…….however, the thing that really makes a lot of gay male culture so infantile is the fact that gay men of all ages seem to behave that way.
Is there ever a point when they refrain from participating in an inner world of raw porn, salivating over the air-brushed azzes and d!cks of young boys?
When gay men reach the age of 40, it must be ten thousand times more traumatic for them than for women. Most women who look great aren’t bothered by aging very much at all…….simply because they always look good.
I recently read a post from a gay man who was almost crying from his keyboard because he was no longer sought after on “the circuit”—a world where he had spent his entire social life.
Also Bobby, I have some excellent things to tell you about getting back into your regimen……and you must follow the rules!
posted by Jimmy on
That some gay men choose to wage a battle against the creeping sands of time is merely evidence that “gay” culture doesn’t occur in a vacuum, it is representative of our culture in general.
People who like sex try to stay as fu*kable for as long as possible. That’s true of everybody.
But hey, if a gay man does let himself go a bit, and if he is able to modify his standards somewhat, throw any regard to fashion to the winds, and grow some chest hair, he can join the Bears and make out just fine.
“You guys have lots of fun with the subject matter which Throbert so valiantly promotes……amid the anal grotesquerie.”
Throbert can rub his dick wherever he wants, it never occurred to me to care. It never occurred to me to cast aspersions at what consenting adults do. If the numbers are anywhere near what have been reported, as many or more straight couples are having TEH BUTT SEX along with gay men (What do lesbians do? Scissor?)
Due to the ravages of Crohn’s Disease, TBS was never, and shall never be, my fortay – still, one manages. However, because I can’t cut that particular mustard doesn’t mean I’m going to go sit in a corner and nurse a bottle of HaterAde, grumbling about what kind of sex other people are having. To me, that’s ridiculous.
posted by Bobby on
“Which really illustrates the insanity of gay male culture, no?”
—It is insane, for example, I met a man that has a lot in common with me, in fact, he says I’m his best friend. But am I his boyfriend? No. Why? I’m not his type, physically, he likes what I like and what he is, lean and hairless. I’m average and hairy, so I can never win his heart.
“But hey, if a gay man does let himself go a bit, and if he is able to modify his standards somewhat, throw any regard to fashion to the winds, and grow some chest hair, he can join the Bears and make out just fine. ”
—I was a bear once, and I did not like that group. Why? I just don’t find them attractive, if you are lucky enough to find bear people attractive then you can be happy with them, but if what you want is a chubby-chaser then you’re competing for a minority that has plenty of fat men to choose from. I know this sounds ridiculous, but my life at 220 pounds is much different than what it was at 265, I’ve gone from bear to average and now I want to move to lean so that I can get the men I like.
Opposites do not attract, I don’t care what my psychologist says, if you want to get the man you find attractive you must become that man first.
“When gay men reach the age of 40, it must be ten thousand times more traumatic for them than for women. Most women who look great aren’t bothered by aging very much at all…….simply because they always look good.”
—Well, women have the advantage now of the “cougar” phenomenon. Now a woman in her 40s and 50s can date guys in their 20s and 30s. As for gay men, I’ve seen some hot guys at 40 and even 50, it’s just that for me personally dating an older man is kinda like taking a step down. I’m also not interested in maturity and experience, my last boyfriend was 45 and he was always trying to “educate me” into his progressive ways.
So in conclusion, many gay men focus on their bodies because that’s the only thing they have, the one thing that loud club music can’t silence. Personality, college degrees, money, humor, that’s all irrelevant compared to a hot body. I don’t even believe in self-confidence, I think that when you’re sexy it doesn’t matter what you do because you’re more likely to get away with it.
posted by Debrah on
“People who like sex try to stay as fu*kable for as long as possible. That’s true of everybody.”
****************************************
Please, Jimmy.
No one needs to be educated on that score. That’s not the issue.
It’s where the emphasis is always placed and why.
For the life of me I don’t know why gay men have to be “hairless”. LOL!!!
That doesn’t necessarily bring out the “hotness” in a man if he doesn’t have it to begin with.
And I must reveal that I have no illusion that outside opinions about this topic will change anyone or anything.
I perhaps voice the same opinions that family members or friends have, but are too reluctant to opine openly for fear of appearing unloving.
There is no “hate”. Are you nuts?
However, like most gay men, you obfuscate, avoid the factually negative topics, and blame others for stating reality……instead of trying to understand that it is not “mean-ness” in people.
Just that many will not accept or be forced to live inside a parade of invention…..randomly altering aspects of life in an effort to make “gayness” the “norm”.
Most people don’t really give a monumental eff about the choices of others.
Only when those same people bring in their personal biases and objectives and taint the proceedings as if its their “right”…….all the while others’ “rights” to object are not accepted as valid……
……..do people decide to communicate and share their displeasure.
posted by Throbert McGee on
“Gay used to be one of the most agreeable words in the language. Its appropriation by a notably morose group is an act of piracy.”
— historian Arthur M. Schlesinger, circa 1971
(Ti-i-i-i-mes have changed…)
posted by Jimmy on
“Hairless” is archetypal in terms of male beauty. Male hair removal is common going back to classical times. The hairless, defined body was de rigueur in the Hellenistic world.
But what I really want to know is, why do women opt to go bare “down there”?
“I perhaps voice the same opinions that family members or friends have, but are too reluctant to opine openly for fear of appearing unloving.”
But then, perhaps not. In fact, I’m inclined to think that, just perhaps, the vast majority of people don’t have such finely manicured fixations. I’m not required to hold as high of an opinion of your version of reality as you do, Debrah.
posted by Debrah on
Bobby, your (1:46 PM) is interesting.
Listen, I will be the first to say that looks are very important and always have been; however, I’m almost moved to anger when you minimize other aspects such as intelligence.
Perhaps this is just a phase you’re going through and will diminish a bit as you get older; however, great looks AND a great mind in one package are like a volcano erupting inside a room when you enter.
People used to tell me that I stopped traffic every time I walked down the street. LOL!!!
And this kind of attention is fun and has its place, but please do not make that aspect of your social life the most important thing. You’ll end up with someone unworthy.
There is really nothing more depressing than a man or a woman who was “hot” and dumb in their 20’s when they lose their looks later on. Where do they have to go?
Besides, never forget about LOVE……and I’m serious about this. When you fall in love with someone, it’s quite a different ball game……as Throbert says, (pun intended). LIS!
Do you want to know my new secret regimen? LOL!
posted by Debrah on
“……. finely manicured fixations.”
******************************************
I love that one!
I might need to use it somewhere in the future.
Jimmy, I don’t “require” anything of anyone until I fall in love.
Then he is MINE!
By the way, not every woman “opts to go bare ‘down there’ “.
Just freaks who have peach fuzz instead of thick, lush hair.
I suppose shaving away fuzz isn’t so much of a loss.
LIS!
posted by Throbert McGee on
As I’ve mentioned before, I don’t think a man should shave anything below the neck — I dig the Alley Oop look. And I also like a little bit of padding around the midsection. But what I like most of all is a man who is comfortable in his own hairy, slightly flabby body and who believes in his own sexiness.
On that note, I gotta head out… we’re having a pizza gala for my nephew, who is now a big boy of THREE! Uncle Rob burned the midnight oil decorating a dinosaur-themed chocolate cake, and I will make sure my B-I-L gets some digital photos and video.
posted by BobN on
“little diva rule”
Alphabetical by name, small to large by size, or family, genus, species?
posted by Bobby on
“Listen, I will be the first to say that looks are very important and always have been; however, I’m almost moved to anger when you minimize other aspects such as intelligence.”
—Well, I’m talking from experience. I’ve done gay clubs, gay organizations, online dating, etc, etc, etc, and my intelligence has never really helped me land a guy. For example, many years ago my gay.com screen name was “gayrightwinger” and rather than stimulating debate or helping me find a guy that shared my views or at least was willing to entertained them, it turned me into a pariah. Which is why I changed it to something innocuous like “alex454” or “billyLTR.”
What I’m trying to say is that the only time a guy will care about my intelligence is if he likes my body and wants to get to know me. If he doesn’t like my body, no deal.
“Perhaps this is just a phase you’re going through and will diminish a bit as you get older; however, great looks AND a great mind in one package are like a volcano erupting inside a room when you enter.”
—Imagine an alternate universe where John Stossel isn’t famous but gets to keep his great mind and knowledge of freedom. Say he walks into a gay bar, what makes you think anyone will want to talk to him? If John meets a stranger it will be for his mustache, lean body and curly hair, and maybe then he will be able to use his intelligence.
“And this kind of attention is fun and has its place, but please do not make that aspect of your social life the most important thing. You’ll end up with someone unworthy.”
—Actually, I have no social life. I got tired of not getting what I wanted so I decided to take a sabbatical from people until I become what I want.
“There is really nothing more depressing than a man or a woman who was “hot” and dumb in their 20’s when they lose their looks later on. Where do they have to go?”
—That’s very true. I was never hot in my 20s so I don’t have that problem.
“Besides, never forget about LOVE……and I’m serious about this. When you fall in love with someone, it’s quite a different ball game……as Throbert says, (pun intended). LIS!”
—Here’s the problem with love, it’s not enough for you to fall in love with someone, they have to love you back. The men I meet don’t seem to believe nor care about love, they are happy either fornicating, working long hours, enjoying their hobbies… I think love takes commitment and sacrifice, it means putting someone else’s needs ahead of your own. But how the hell do you find someone willing to do just that?
“Do you want to know my new secret regimen? LOL!”
—Yes please, my regiment is eating one or twice a day at Subways plus Muscle Milk once or twice a day.
posted by Throbert McGee on
I hate to break it to you, kiddo, but it would appear that we are your social life.
posted by Throbert McGee on
My mind recoils in mute horror at the very possibility.
CTHULHU FXTAGN! (;,;)
posted by Debrah on
Bobby, you’re being too hard on yourself.
There are countless people out there trying to get over and who have very little going for them. They simply aren’t as introspective and critical of themselves as are you.
Right now, my senses tell me that you’ve chiseled a groove for yourself and it’s becoming a rut.
I totally agree that the answer will be working on the image you want for yourself instead of going after what temporarily attracts you and focusing on the idea that other men might look better, physically, in some way.
You have unwittingly revealed an overriding aspect of gay male culture that makes the idea of “marriage” appear totally superfluous, sought after more for financial concerns and symbolism; however, few commentators on gay issues will ever cop to that well-known truth……but I digress.
The answer to your problem?
The Diva Custom-Wrapped, Pistol-Packed, and Strategically-Mapped Body Regimen!
(“Pistol-packed” is a nod to your NRA association) Ha!
In the next post, I will outline what you must do in order to become the real Bobby.
The one whose real body will emerge and become a magnet for steamy sessions of carnal bliss!
posted by Debrah on
Bobby, some of these rules will seem difficult to follow at first, but it’s mandatory that you do.
It’s a mindset. You have to make this objective more important than anything else.
How each person gets to that point will be different.
As background information, I’ve never been “fat”, but like most people, putting on a few, or several(!), unwanted pounds happens. For the last few years I had been spending much more time on the computer blogging. Mindless snacking goes along with the lifestyles many of us live.
Even though you might still look OK, all of a sudden your body has more “padding” and when this is allowed to go unchecked, the body develops a whole new metabolic structure and those habits become your “norm”—a different you!
Even today’s kids under the age of ten are shown to have high cholesterol levels and so many are overweight or obese. Just glance at passersby on a busy sidewalk and you will see that most of them are overweight and malformed…….yet nothing substantive is ever done about this “fat America”. Only lip service.
Providing medical care—(which is often free, taxpayer-funded)—for these self-indulgent slobs is why the rest of us are met with stratospheric insurance premiums. And the people who pay out-of-pocket—(no health insurance, but too proud to use Medicaid)—are the ones charged using the doctor’s most expensive fee schedule.
Right now I’m not exercising on a regular daily basis and adhere to no work-out schedule as I’ve done so often in the past. But it’s important to stay in motion throughout the day; however, there is no need to obsess over the amount of “exercise” you’re getting or not getting.
Dance, running, power-walking, and proverbial stints inside the gym-world I’ve done…..and done.
For both men and women, power-walking is the very best exercise, IMO, and one that’s easiest to stay faithful to. Put a 3-5 pound weight in each hand and get out and walk (about 4 miles or 50-55 minutes) when you can.
No need for personal trainers. Go lift weights a few times a week if you must, but the only focus should be dropping the extra pounds and you can achieve that goal by what you put inside your mouth. You won’t believe this, but when those pounds are gone, the aesthetic need to sculpt your body will be minimal.
People pushing expensive diet regimens and selling structured menus try to make things complicated.
Nothing about losing weight is complicated.
We’ve been conditioned to seek a balm for everything…….to make things soft so we won’t feel discomfort.
1) Keep ice cream, candy, and pastries out of your house. Just don’t buy them. You can keep a bag of popcorn and always have nuts (peanuts, walnuts, almonds, etc…..) and even a bag of chips or crackers occasionally when you have a desire to “crunch”. I always keep popcorn and cheese crackers around.
2) Always have two things in your fridge: carrots and celery.
Every day wash three of four of each and cut them up to have on hand for additions to your meals and also to have as a snack when you must eat something between meals. Keep a jar of champagne mustard for dipping. This will make you feel you’re having a treat without all the calories.
3) Always have yogurt. Fill your fridge with it, but only vanilla, lemon, or coffee (my favorite) or any kind except ones with the added sugary fruit in the bottom. Yogurt will be your best friend in all this. It will serve as your “dessert” and it will serve as an addition to the fruit you will have or with the many salads you will have.
4) Stay out of fast food chains. Your Subway habit has been fine for you, I suppose, but your regimen will now be a real one and not one about that overweight guy in the commercials who got slim by eating at Subway. His program is OK for him, but I question how healthy you can be by eating at that place all the time.
5) If you want pizza, buy one with the thin crust from the grocer’s freezer. Since you’re not into cooking (nor am I), stock up on frozen veggies like Steamfresh (corn is my favorite), Bertolli Mediterranean-style entrées, and other quality frozen products with quality ingredients—many are comparable in price to an entrée from a restaurant—and are healthy choices for a quick meal. Keep some of these in your freezer at all times.
6) When you go out to a restaurant, order salmon or chicken. Even better, choose a great salad that includes a meat. Move toward the idea of MORE vegetables and LESS meat. After a month or so, this will become easy. I love red meat or I could easily be a vegetarian; however, IMO, there is no protein that will compete with the protein from a rare, lean “fist” of a filet.
I have a piece of red meat about once a month. Most other days consist of pasta and vegetables.
Some days I only have yogurt, celery, and carrots. Bread is Ok once a day and only use real butter when you need it–like Land O’Lakes. Make olive oil a basic.
My day begins with oatmeal. Just buy the boxes with the small packets to which you add hot water. Then I have about two cups of French Vanilla Hills Bros. Cappuccino.
This satisfies a “sweet” craving and the oatmeal is always healthy for a number of reasons.
I never eat after 6:00 PM unless I’m going out for the evening and have dinner at a restaurant. The key is to never make eating in the evening hours a habit.
I drink Merlot occasionally and keep a sparkling wine around to bring pizzazz to salads or pasta or whatever. Only have wine and other alcoholic drinks a few times a month because they add so many empty calories.
You have to allow yourself small indulgences.
Fill your fridge with bottled water. Deer Park and Poland Spring are good economical choices. Drop the habit of drinking sodas. This act, alone, will take ten pounds off your body.
I do keep ginger ale or 7-UP (the un-cola!) around sometimes and have one occasionally for a carbonation fix.
Bottom line, Bobby…….in just a month and a half I fell in love all over again with my own body just by avoiding sugar.
I really wasn’t trying to lose weight, but I went through a very emotional experience in early October last fall and I couldn’t eat without throwing up (LIS!) After losing my appetite for so long, I didn’t crave the same kinds of snacks and thus began a whole new regimen with more healthful habits……the way I used to eat.
Like Robert DeNiro once said to Alec Baldwin (who has blown up like a blimp lately) when Baldwin wasn’t sure that he had the willpower to get into shape for a role—-“Alec, just do it!”
DeNiro, if you recall, is known for his remarkable ability to morph—losing or gaining up to 50 or 60 pounds for various roles.
posted by Bobby on
Thanks for the advice, Debrah.