Some defenders of traditional marriage claim that gay marriage jeopardizes husbands and wives. It's as if when two Massachusetts men wed, they exchange 24-karat-gold crowbars, all the better to pry straight couples apart.
Former Pennsylvania senator Rick Santorum has said that same-sex marriage "threatens my marriage. It threatens all marriages." Mixed-sex-matrimony guru Maggie Gallagher wrote last June 20, "If the word 'marriage' can be redefined as a civil rights imperative, why balk at lesser ideas like 'monogamy' or 'fidelity'?"
But as outspoken as these and other social conservatives are about Allen and Steve's clear and present danger to Adam and Eve, they have held their peace about an enterprise that profits from adultery.
AshleyMadison.com calls itself a "dating site specifically designed to help married people cheat on their spouses." Its slogan is "Life's short, have an affair." Its previous tag line was "When Monogamy Becomes Monotony." It boasts 3.5 million registered users, among whom some 400,000 active members each pay up to $249 quarterly.
"Sign up today and if you don't have an Affair to Remember," the website promises, "we'll give you your money back. Guaranteed." Participants post photographs and profiles and seek other husbands and wives itching for extra-marital copulation, "till death do us part" be damned.
"We made tens of millions of dollars" last year, company president Noel Biderman says from its Toronto base. "We are very profitable and successful."
Surely AshleyMadison.com has enough shame to conduct its shady business in the shadows. Wrong! AshleyMadison.com advertises on CNN, ESPN, NBC, and even the conservative-leaning Fox News Channel.
Its current TV ad features a lady in a restaurant whose monstrous dinner companion yaps into his cell phone, hushes her when she tries to talk, ogles another woman, and eventually says, "Happy anniversary, honey," before sauntering alone out the door. This disenchanted wife eyes a sympathetic gentleman on a barstool and smiles alluringly at him. Who knows what happens next?
"AshleyMadison.com," says the female announcer. "When divorce is not an option."
This woman clearly is dolorific. Her boorish husband deserves to have his cell phone pulverized with the chef's rolling pin.
If this ad discouraged spousal self-absorption, it would be a home run. Ditto if it promoted marriage counseling, or suggested that everyone exercise extreme caution before picking a spouse. But something completely different is for sale.
Even a business this depraved should remain free to operate. But it should be ridiculed, humiliated, and shunned. Viewers should ask TV networks that broadcast this website's ads if they are proud to share in the spoils of infidelity.
Social conservatives should stop theorizing about gay marriage's supposed danger to straight matrimony and instead denounce this insidious assault on that institution.
Even if same-sex marriage undermined conventional marriage, this would be by unintended consequence, not deliberate broadside. Straight-marriage advocates' obsession with gay marriage versus their quietude about AshleyMadison.com is like declaring a War on Toasters that might malfunction and ignite, but ignoring arsonists who toss lit flares around Malibu during a Santa Ana wind.
According to the Nexis database, key gay-marriage foes are mum about AshleyMadison.com.
Over the last six months, for example, Rick Santorum appeared in 22 stories that mention "gay marriage," but in zero citing AshleyMadison.com. Maggie Gallagher materialized in 41 gay-marriage stories and zero on AshleyMadison.com. Former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney's numbers are 276-0, respectively. For Focus on the Family, the score is 389-0. The phrase "same-sex marriage" yielded 24 hits for Santorum, 52 for Gallagher, 256 for Romney, and 449 for Focus. All of the above were absent from the 67 Nexis-archived stories on AshleyMadison.com between September 5, 2008, and March 5, 2009.
Clearly, straight-marriage fans fret about what two men wearing wedding bands might do to a man and woman with rings on their fingers. Whether this concern is scientific or superstitious, surely they must acknowledge that seeing Bob and Steve together in a porch swing is trivial compared to Adam philandering with his new AshleyMadison.com adulteress as Eve waits at home, watches dinner grow cold, and wonders why on Earth he's so late.
Conversely, if Adam caught Eve cavorting on the kitchen counter with her new AshleyMadison.com buddy, that would not be a blow for marriage.
AshleyMadison.com is a genuine threat to traditional matrimony. That's where self-styled defenders of that institution should aim their fire.
9 Comments for “A Loud Silence on Adultery”
posted by TS on
Heheheheheh! I never knew that! What follies. We are just an easier target than “fallen” straight people who just need a little “forgiveness” because they’re “basically good,” not inherently evil like us. – There also happen to be more of them to fill the aisles of a church or the files of a political party.
posted by Regan DuCasse on
Of course, diverting attention to gay marriage relieves the straight folks who oppose it of their own failures.
Out of wedlock births, abortion, the welfare state and foster care bursting to the gills with at risk children?
Blame the gays for threatening society and all that is moral and holy.
Prop. 4 was on the CA ballot. Only two were about family or marriage. Few of the same anti abortion crowd even remember what Prop. 4 was.
The Yes on Prop. 8 websites make NO mention of Prop. 4 nor it’s other supporters.
Even though the issue of abortion is conflated with homosexuality in discussions on gay lives.
Focus on the Family, nor any of the other 8 supportive groups mention Prop. 4 either. Especially not now.
Prop. 4 was the ballot initiative that would require parents of girls under 14 seeking an abortion to be notified.
It also required a guardian sanctioned by the state to accompany the girl in question, such as a foster parent.
Prop. 4 DIDN’T pass.
And apparently it got underwhelming support by the public at large.
Prop. 4 was a law trying to remedy a situation representative of a minor in crisis, a family in crisis.
And virtually ALL the so called family advocate groups ignored it.
And the situation clearly indicates the churches and schools failure of girls and their families.
When it’s all said and done, the assertions that denying gay couples the right to marry is one of morality and social order is bullshit. We know it, and they know it, they just don’t want anyone else to figure it out.
It’s just a lot easier to isolate and control gay people than their own.
posted by bucky on
Deroy, you silly!!
You actually believe the Gallaghers of the world when they say the care about protecting marriage?
If they cared about protecting marriages they would be talking about adultery and abuse and poverty and divorce.
The constant screaming about The Gays! (oh my) is nothing more than using hate to fill the pews and voting booths and coffers. It is about keeping entrenched power entrenched.
It has nothing to do with actually giving a hoot about marriage.
posted by Bobby on
Maybe being single is not so bad, at least no one gets to cheat on you.
“Even a business this depraved should remain free to operate. But it should be ridiculed, humiliated, and shunned.”
—Isn’t the straight world fascinating? You can do anything you want as long as you don’t talk about it. Adulterers don’t need adultery pride parade, just give them an internet connection and they’ll find what they need. It’s the same reason Bill Clinton signed Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, just like he was cheating on Hillary and not getting in trouble, he thought, “gee, gays can do the same.”
posted by TS on
Exactly and exactly not, Bobby. We should be better. An adulterer breaks a promise. A pedophile threatens a child. A BDSMer flirts with rape and physical abuse to get off. But we’re morally neutral. We’re legit. Maybe “pride” is the wrong word, but straight adulterers ought to be ashamed and we oughtn’t.
posted by Bobby on
“A BDSMer flirts with rape and physical abuse to get off.”
—Hold on, s/m is not my lifestyle, but I understand it. It’s about consent, some get pleasure out of being hit with a whip, others enjoy the more sadistic aspects.
It’s not rape and physical abuse if it’s consensual.
In fact, the games “normal” people play, such as pretending not to be interested, being sweet one day and being an asshole the next, not returning phone calls, not telling the truth because they don’t want to hurt your feelings, now that is the real sadism.
I respect the s/m people because at least they have rules and they tell you what those rules are, at least they’re upfront about what they like and what they’re looking for.
“straight adulterers ought to be ashamed and we oughtn’t.”
—They always have excuses, but what really gets me is how the system is set up against men. Did you know some men end up paying child support for children that are not biologically theirs? There was a case where a judge forced a father to support a child his wife created with another man, so even after getting a paternity test, he was screwed.
posted by David on
“Even a business this depraved should remain free to operate.”
Here, Mr. Murdock, we disagree.
posted by me again on
The “conservatives” should not attack AshleyMadison; they should attack the problems that drive married people apart. Of course if they did that, they would realize that they should be trying to get gay couples together.
posted by Bobby on
“The “conservatives” should not attack AshleyMadison; they should attack the problems that drive married people apart.”
—That’s like saying, “let’s not put bank robbers in jail, let’s attack the problem that causes people to rob banks.”
I think we should condemn AshleyMadison, there’s nothing wrong with passing judgment as long as you allow liberty.