According to the 2000 U.S. Census, approximately 36,000 same-sex couples are living in America where one partner is a U.S. citizen or permanent resident and the other is a foreign national. Thousands more of these binational couples had to emigrate to keep their families together. My own lover is a refugee from Africa currently living in Europe, and even with a sponsorship letter, he cannot obtain as much as a tourist visa.
I met Patrick five years ago during an overseas trip. As our love grew in the months and years that followed, he has survived a murder attempt by his family, lengthy struggles over his papers and asylum applications, unemployment and international wandering. Somehow, despite all of that, we have also known great joy. To the U.S. Government, however, our love is either invisible or a threat to homeland security.
The plight of many similar couples is documented in a report released on May 2 by Human Rights Watch and Immigration Equality entitled Family, Unvalued: Discrimination, Denial, and the Fate of Binational Same-Sex Couples under U.S. Law. Nearly 200 pages, it is available online at immigrationequality.org and hrw.org/reports/2006/us0506/, and documents a broad range of cases, including these:
After a Colombian gay rights activist writes to a guerilla group urging it to end its anti-gay violence, he receives death threats and a savage beating. His American partner helps him get a training visa to the U.S., after which they begin the lengthy, expensive process of filing an asylum claim. After doctors document the Colombian's injuries from the beating, he is interviewed by a clearly hostile official, and weeks later receives a written "Notice of Intent to Deny" in which the word "faggot" is used without quotation marks. The decision is overturned on appeal.
A North Carolina woman's Hungarian partner is forced to leave the country with the children both have raised. A male-to-female transgender is detained for months, housed with male prisoners, denied medication or outside contact and taunted by fellow prisoners with Buju Banton's murderously homophobic song, "Boom Bye Bye."
Even when couples successfully navigate the system, such as by juggling tourist and student and work visas, every plane trip risks deportation or detention. For example, an American woman's Danish partner of nearly 18 years is detained twice while entering the U.S. to visit her. "They asked me why I was going to school, what I was doing there, if I could prove it, why I had left the states, why I was coming back … I was bombarded with questions."
The footnotes accompanying these stories are filled with phrases like "names changed at their request," "requested anonymity," and "last name withheld at his request," in order to protect the security of the interviewees. All this unavoidable secrecy is chilling in itself.
As the report shows, the recent irrational furor over immigrants is nothing new, any more than the stoking of sexual fears. In 1896, one congressman said that immigration needed to be limited "to preserve the human blood and manhood of the American character by the exclusion of depraved human beings." In 1952, during the "red scare" period, the McCarran-Walter Act barred "aliens afflicted with psychopathic personality, epilepsy or mental defect," and Congress made clear that this included homosexuals. The gay immigration ban was not lifted until 1990. A misguided and counterproductive ban on HIV-positive immigrants was passed in 1993 amid similar nativist hysteria, and was signed into law by President Clinton. The 1996 Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) effectively excluded gay couples as families for immigration purposes.
To help end the discrimination against binational gay families, Human Rights Watch and Immigration Equality make several recommendations, including repeal of DOMA and the HIV immigration ban, and passage of the Uniting American Families Act. This bill, introduced by Rep. Jerrold Nadler (D-NY) and Sen. Patrick Leahy (D-VT), would add "permanent partner" to the classes of family members who can sponsor a foreign national for immigration to America.
We can learn from South Africa. Its Constitutional Court, in a decision last year affirming equal marriage rights, wrote, "What is at stake is not simply a question of removing an injustice experienced by a particular section of the community. At issue is a need to affirm the very character of our society as one based on tolerance and mutual respect."
Some day America will recognize this, and will extend its longstanding policy favoring family reunification to encompass same-sex couples. But the thousands of us who are affected cannot put our lives on hold indefinitely while waiting for the light to dawn. We must summon the fortitude to carry on. Even for those whose relationships last, a great price is paid in isolation and anguish in addition to the plane tickets, phone bills and legal fees.
I dislike having to politicize the most cherished relationship of my life. I wish I could just marry Patrick and have him come live with me as he wants to do. But others who know us only as demonized abstractions have come between us, and I will not be bullied into submission. For me the stories in Family, Unvalued are not only depressing and infuriating but also inspiring. But whether our stories are comforting or discomforting, we must keep telling them and supporting groups like Human Rights Watch and Immigration Equality - and electing more politicians who defend equal immigration rights - until our homes and families are whole.
9 Comments for “Love and the Border Crossing”
posted by Regan DuCasse on
I live in Los Angeles and I worked for four years for the LAPD forensic photo unit.
The huge wave of illegal aliens to this country contributed to 9/11 and directly impacts millions of legal immigrants or natural citizens every day in other dangerous ways. The fraud, gang activity and strain by sheer numbers on the infrastructure threatens to destroy it.
However, most of that population is not gay. But we do know that temporary economic benefit is far different than running from governmental regimes that jail, assault and KILL you simply for being gay. For these reasons our country does give asylum if the foreign visitor’s reason is compelling enough.
And in the case of gays and lesbians it certainly is.
And the intent to assimilate is more of a given.
In all my encounters with criminal illegal aliens, I don’t recall knowing of any of them to be gay or lesbian.
And certainly not guilty of gay on STRAIGHT crimes.
I would certainly understand the desparation of an Iraqui or Iranian, African or Armenian gay person to not go back to their countries.
Especially since pictures of Iranian teens being publicly lynched by their government is an indication that GAY Iranians are not a terrorist threat.
And gay Latinos don’t join gangs that have made our streets unsafe for all Americans.
So if I had to choose, it would be the gay immigrants that would get my favor for tracking either citizenship or long term legal residency.
As it happens, our President has managed to make legal, voting gay citizens the demon class unfit for even something as basic as marriage.
But illegal aliens by the millions whose intentions we really don’t know, get so much accomodation, our government is breaking it’s own laws….which is insanity post 9/11.
After all, the 19, 9/11 high jackers weren’t GAY men.
I welcome other thoughts, but that’s how I’ve had to analyze this problem.
posted by Regan DuCasse on
I live in Los Angeles and I worked for four years for the LAPD forensic photo unit.
The huge wave of illegal aliens to this country contributed to 9/11 and directly impacts millions of legal immigrants or natural citizens every day in other dangerous ways. The fraud, gang activity and strain by sheer numbers on the infrastructure threatens to destroy it.
However, most of that population is not gay. But we do know that temporary economic benefit is far different than running from governmental regimes that jail, assault and KILL you simply for being gay. For these reasons our country does give asylum if the foreign visitor’s reason is compelling enough.
And in the case of gays and lesbians it certainly is.
And the intent to assimilate is more of a given.
In all my encounters with criminal illegal aliens, I don’t recall knowing of any of them to be gay or lesbian.
And certainly not guilty of gay on STRAIGHT crimes.
I would certainly understand the desparation of an Iraqui or Iranian, African or Armenian gay person to not go back to their countries.
Especially since pictures of Iranian teens being publicly lynched by their government is an indication that GAY Iranians are not a terrorist threat.
And gay Latinos don’t join gangs that have made our streets unsafe for all Americans.
So if I had to choose, it would be the gay immigrants that would get my favor for tracking either citizenship or long term legal residency.
As it happens, our President has managed to make legal, voting gay citizens the demon class unfit for even something as basic as marriage.
But illegal aliens by the millions whose intentions we really don’t know, get so much accomodation, our government is breaking it’s own laws….which is insanity post 9/11.
After all, the 19, 9/11 high jackers weren’t GAY men.
I welcome other thoughts, but that’s how I’ve had to analyze this problem.
posted by Richard J. Rosendall on
Regan,
Not only were the 9/11 highjackers not gay men, they were not illegal aliens. And, since the controversy over illegal immigrants has focused on our border with Mexico, it should be noted that the hijackers were not Mexican either.
posted by Fay on
I think that you are collapsing several issues into one mess of a problem. Gays and lesbians are second class citizens when it comes to their relationships and families. Immigration problems regarding g/l couples reflect the national homoprejudice. I do not support amnesty for illegal immigrants. I do support g/l immigrants rights because being g/l is to be virtually illegal everywhere. Even if illegal immigrants received amnesty, gays and lesbians would still have no rights. The vast majority of immigrants are not exactly gay/lesbian positive. I highly doubt that a coalition could be forged between all the different immigrant groups and gays and lesbians for the purposes of gaining civil rights. Let’s keep the issues separate. The struggles are different.
posted by Richard J. Rosendall on
Yes, they are separate issues, but they are related, especially politically. Sen. Dianne Feinstein, for example, who is considerably more conservative than her San Francisco connection would lead some to believe, has refused to co-sponsor the Uniting American Families Act.
In my article, my only reference to the broader immigration controversy was my reference to “the recent irrational furor over immigrants,” and I don’t see how any reasonable person could fairly challenge that characterization. I have said nothing about amnesty. In the past few months there has been an enormous big deal made over the illegal immigration issue, as if it were suddenly a grave national crisis, which is simply not the case even if it is a problem. Something can be a problem without being a crisis. Contrary to the rhetoric of the demagogues on this, there is no evidence that U.S.-Mexico border crossings have been used for terrorist purposes. Those who are serious about dealing with the realities of illegal immigration should tone down the irresponsible rhetoric. That is actually the only issue on which I think President Bush has been fairly reasonable.
I demonstrated in my previous article, “Gays In Eurabia” (also available on IGF), that I can recognize immigration-related problems. But that was about Europe and specifically the rise of intolerant Islam there. The situation in Europe is much worse than in America, for a number of reasons: For all our problems, we are much better at assimilating immigrants; we do not have the same legacy of colonialism to contend with (and I did not just say we have no legacy of colonialism, but we have much less of one than the Europeans); we do not have social welfare policies that effectively encourage immigrants to remain unemployed, which in Europe has the effect of stoking criminal gang activity; and we as a population are not nearly as deferential to political, academic, and journalistic elites as Europeans are.
posted by Forbes Perkins on
We are an Ital/Ameriacan couple of 24 years. Moving back to the USA has prooved impossible as my Ital partner can\\’t stay for more than three months at a time for a total of 180 days/year. Niether Italy or the USA has Federal rights for same sex couples. Those who think that couples rights are a state issue are misguided as it is Federal policy that directs immigration policy. At the same time, I am convinced that \\”permanent partners\\” rights would have had more than a fighting chance had we all not been so adament about the \\”M\\” word. Lots of (even moderates) had a really hard time getting behind that one. Hell, I would love to be \\”married\\” to my guy, but for the time being just being able to come home with him would suit me just fine.
posted by Northeast Libertarian on
I am convinced that “permanent partners” rights would have had more than a fighting chance had we all not been so adament about the “M” word
I’m afraid you’re deluding yourself.
I was involved in the Vermont civil union debate in 2000, and the intensity of opposition, gay-baiting, and pure hatred from the anti-gay right was not any less simply because they were requesting “partnership rights” instead of “marriage.”
What you have to understand is that the folks who oppose gay unions oppose gay unions because they don’t like you and me. Telling them about how their policies hurt us only makes them happy that they’ve succeeded in hurting and disrupting our lives.
BTW, if your partner is Italian, you can both reside in the UK under the civil partnership act (since he’s an EU citizen and can sponsor you), or in Belgium or the Netherlands under the gay marriage laws. Spain’s gay marriage law, France’s civil partnerships, and Germany’s “life partnerships” laws are all options for you as well.
posted by Y.C. on
i’m american and my partner is british i am in the uk trying to get married so we can finially be together. i met her while i was in the USAF now that i’m out we are trying to get married but i would much rather live in the states. the law needs to change it isnt right that now my familiy wont be able to see my atsept every some odd yrs due to going back and forth because my partner would not be able to live with me because the u.s. wont see us are a married couple.
posted by Y.C. on
i\\’m american and my partner is british i am in the uk trying to get married so we can finially be together. i met her while i was in the USAF now that i\\’m out we are trying to get married but i would much rather live in the states. the law needs to change it isnt right that now my familiy wont be able to see my atsept every some odd yrs due to going back and forth because my partner would not be able to live with me because the u.s. wont see us are a married couple.