Dan Savage’s It Gets Better Project is as fine a public service as anyone has put together for gay and lesbian youth — and no government needed.
But am I the only non-youth who spends time watching the videos when I need to cheer up? I spend more hours than a reasonable adult should reading the misinformation, innuendos, distractions, forgeries, slanders, deceptions and flat out lies that are cast into the universe of discourse about us, and I’ve found a quick visit to the YouTube channel is an excellent tonic.
Thanks, not only to Savage, but to everyone who’s contributing these wonderful little truths.
21 Comments for “Even Better”
posted by Bobby on
I can’t believe they deleted my comment. What Savage is doing is good, but it’s a shame that in this day and age we had to remind gay teens that “it gets better.” Hello? I don’t remember anyone reminding me that it gets better when I was growing up.
Seriously young gays, you need to grow some cojones.
posted by John on
Jorge you are looking at this from the perspective of being a grown man, not the kid or teen who was scared shitless that you might be gay and of being outed. I wish they had had this and heck, just the internet with Google back when I was younger! If it helps the younger ones I say go for it!
Oh and David, no. You are not the only one.
posted by Philip on
We need to do two things:
1) Tell young gays that it gets better.
2) As adults do what it takes so someday it will not be necessary to tell tell young gays that it gets better.
When will we know that that day has arrived?
When it no longer occurs to gay kids to go in the closet.
That’s when things will really be better.
posted by Throbert McGee on
There, that’s more like it.
If you could call your fifteen-year-old bullied self on a Time-Phone, what tips would you give to make things a little easier, beyond “trust me, it gets better”? (And not counting stock tips or winning lottery numbers!) What anti-bullying tactics do you understand now that you didn’t understand when you were 15?
Remember to keep it brief — per-minute rates on the tachyonic telecom network are a bitch.
posted by Throbert McGee on
Oh, goddammit. Not having preview sucks.
posted by Philip on
What would I tell my fifteen year old self?
I would tell myself to trust my intuition, listen to my heart and have faith that everything will be alright.
That it is not a choice. It is who I am. And there is no difference between gay and straight except who one relates to best.
That there are many wonderful people around me that are just like me that lead happy, healthy, normal lives.
That the biggest secret is that there are many more straight people out there that will accept and love me just as I am than the tiny minority of haters that want to do me harm.
That changing my focusing from that tiny minority of haters to the many, many more supportive straight people out there will change my life for the better forever.
As for practical advice:
It would be ideal to come out to a family member but if you can’t then consider coming out to a responsible adult in your life that you feel will support you and can be trusted to keep your secret.
That there are support groups out there (then I would list specific groups like University coming out discussion groups and PFLAG) and where to find them.
But if the person is considering harming themselves then all bets are off. I would tell them to start telling others until they found the support they needed.
Regards,
Philip
posted by Bobby on
I’m sick of young gays bitching, I had to go through hell in high school, I had to hide and sleep with hookers to pretend a heterosexual identity. Gay kids today have it good, they simply need to hang out with the gay and goth cliques. That’s the beauty of America, you just have to find your clique and stay with it.
posted by Doug on
Really, Bobby, you speak from that distant, rarefied planet of adulthood. You’re asking for reason, logic, and maturity from a group of people not only struggling with sexual confusion, identity issues, and isolation, but from raging hormones.
You had it bad and yet you don’t want to help others avoid your fate?
Show some compassion, quit comparing your exalted standing with their struggles.
posted by Scott on
@Bobby – Try finding a gay or accepting goth clique in small-town America such Paris, Tx., or worse yet, rural America.
You may think that the trying times that you experienced are past; they’re not. The suicides that we are seeing are indicative of that. And the attitude that you display in your post is just as much a part of the problem as the bullsh*t from NOM and Focus on the Family.
posted by Jorge on
Thank you for the shoutout, Doug, uh I mean John, but I’m sympathetic to the effort.
Don’t worry, Bobby, it will get better. In 2012 we’ll have Hillary Clinton running against Sarah Palin, and homosexuality will be a complete non-issue, just like you want it to be.
I once encountered in a group setting a young lesbian or bi woman who made some statements about enjoying her homosexuality for now, but wanting to be a straight woman, married with kids when she grew up. I don’t remember her exact words, but she didn’t want to be gay and saw it as a source of shame. I suppose that’s not really an “it gets better” conversation, but it wasn’t fun hearing that.
posted by Jimmy on
Bobby is a classic case of egocentrism run amok.
posted by John on
Bobby, you sound like every generation which complains about how “easy” it is for the next generation while forgeting what it was like to be young and figuring things out in life. I’ll bet your parent’s generation said the same thing. So did theirs and the generation before that and so on. Yes, in some ways things are “easier” today as far as technological advances and some other matters go but so what? The specific details of the problems young kids face today may differ but the macro elements are still the same. Instead of adding to their burden by dismissing their concerns, which only allows them to fester and grow, why not try being oh I don’t know, a bit more human about it? The “scared straight” or “walk it off you p**sies!” approach may work for a handful but not for most. I can tell you one thing, when I was a teen I would have dismissed such an attitude as coming from an ignorant a-hole who had no idea what they were talking about and wasn’t worth my time.
posted by John on
Sorry Jorge, I don’t know how I mixed up your name and Bobby’s!
They sound so much alike. Yeah…that’s it…
posted by Throbert McGee on
There, that’s more like it.
If you could call your fifteen-year-old bullied self on a Time-Phone, what tips would you give to make things a little easier, beyond “trust me, it gets better”? (And not counting stock tips, winning lottery numbers, or “Cartman, do NOT freeze yourself.”) What anti-bullying tactics do you understand now that you didn’t understand when you were 15?
Remember to keep it brief — per-minute rates on the tachyonic telecom network are a bitch.
posted by Bobby on
“@Bobby – Try finding a gay or accepting goth clique in small-town America such Paris, Tx., or worse yet, rural America.”
—He was at Rutgers, besides, gay kids today can find each other online. At the very least he could have joined the drama or glee club, they have that in rural areas.
“Bobby, you sound like every generation which complains about how “easy” it is for the next generation while forgeting what it was like to be young and figuring things out in life. ”
—Whatever dude, my complaints are valid. Today kids are weaker than ever before, they kill themselves over being bullied in facebook, are you kidding me? I was physically bullied by boys who were stronger than I was, so don’t tell me these stupid kids can’t simply use the remove button on Facebook to get rid of the bullies. I wish I had had a “remove” button in my high school.
If you want to learn more read “Generation Me” which is about Generation Y and how these kids grew up being told they could be anything they wanted and later found out it wasn’t the case.
“I can tell you one thing, when I was a teen I would have dismissed such an attitude as coming from an ignorant a-hole who had no idea what they were talking about and wasn’t worth my time.”
—Teens always diminish the opinions of their elders and betters, specially now when “youth” is everything and the word “old” has gotten negative connotations.
Rutgers is a great place for gays, I think they even have an all gay dorm, maybe an all gay fraternity as well. Seriously, this kid was a stupid idiot, why can’t we admit it? Why must we always make excuses for our own?
You know, Clementi reminds me of those high school districts where they don’t keep scores at the soccer game, where everyone gets a medal for participation, where games like tag are banned because they’re too “violent”, where “tug-o’-war” is renamed “tug of peace.”
It’s too bad Clementi never learned how to stand up for himself, too damn bad. A drag queen has more balls than he ever did. And if you think Clementi was mistreated, ask RuPaul what it was like to grow up an effeminate little thing?
posted by Debrah on
Bobby–
The Rutgers student was not a timid kid as has been portrayed in the news.
He had a whole network of friends and was discussing this incident with them.
Read some of the links in this Slate article.
Also, here’s another case, but it won’t get much attention and won’t be used for years and years to come as a reference simply because the woman is straight.
posted by Jorge on
Seriously, this kid was a stupid idiot, why can’t we admit it? Why must we always make excuses for our own?
Because it is either not true or highly doubtful that he was a stupid idiot, given the source of the accusation, and because if one is advocate not making “excuses for our own”, one should probably start with the local gay rights parade, or the increasing HIV infection rate, or even something political, as something more… I don’t know, logical?
posted by Bobby on
“Because it is either not true or highly doubtful that he was a stupid idiot, given the source of the accusation, and because if one is advocate not making “excuses for our own”, one should probably start with the local gay rights parade, or the increasing HIV infection rate, or even something political, as something more… I don’t know, logical?”
—-Well, there are gays who have issues with local gay rights parades, the increasing HIV infection rates, same-sex domestic violence, etc.
I have issues with celebrating people who kill themselves.
posted by Amicus on
Maybe he found all the “gay friendliness” at Rutgers was a choice Bobbysian between (a) a bunch of wussy liberals all dormed or fratted together in collective victimhood that he hated and (b) a bunch of conservative tight assess who were ready to judge his every action, demand that he hate Obama, and shun him at a moment’s notice?
Just sayin’.
posted by Bobby on
“Maybe he found all the “gay friendliness” at Rutgers was a choice Bobbysian between (a) a bunch of wussy liberals all dormed or fratted together in collective victimhood that he hated and (b) a bunch of conservative tight assess who were ready to judge his every action, demand that he hate Obama, and shun him at a moment’s notice?”
—I’ll tell you this, when the gay student alliance at my college turned against me, gave me the silent treatment, and did everything to inform me I was no longer welcomed, I did not kill myself.
posted by Antaeus on
Hey David. I haven’t looked at all the vids, but I’ll tell you what might elevate my mood: “Mrs” Savage is easy ont the eyes!